A
female
age
51-59,
*herry B
writes:Dear Cupid, I've been having an on/off 'relationship' with a friend who is emotionally unavailable. He is insular and he and not very giving of himself. Recently we've been seeing each other but I feel that it is on his terms. I do not want to be his girlfriend as I do not consider him boyfriend material. I have been single for some time now and want affection mainly but some mind blowing sex wouldn't go amiss. In the past he has been witholding sexually but more recently he has been really into it which I appreciate. I have never had to work so hard in this situation. I have to guess if he's in the mood for sex when I am, and when I do and invite him over he often declines and says he wants to be alone. This leaves me sometimes feeling rejected and upset. On the other hand he is a good listener and has been supportive in the past when I've needed him. When we met intially we would talk for hours and he revealed to me what he was like and I believed him. I was at a low ebb and he was lovely to me. I'm beginning to think he may only like it when I'm vulnerable. I want to cut him off sexually but still be friends. I think this will be hard for me but I know I must do it for myself. Besides he had no trouble mentioning to me that he'd had a hot a date with another woman. Why wouldn't he afterall we are just friends. I would appreciate some advice.
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female
reader, lovesalias  +, writes (24 January 2009):
 Is this man an aquarius? He sounds like one...they are intellectually stimulated but not too much in the bedroom. They prefer long conversations that stimulate their emotions and intellect rather than their physical self. Anywho...you are right to find out what you need. Figure out what you want out of life and if it is this man then tell him what you expect from him and how you would like to be treated and if you both find that he can't be that person then tell him that you can not continue the sexual realationship with him but that you love his companionship and his stimulating conversation so you would like to keep those lines of communication open. See how that works. I don't think you have to mention "We should just be friends" Good Luck I hope this helps!
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