A
female
age
30-35,
*ulu55
writes:i'm going to try to make this long story short:-fell in love with a guy, been talking for 4 months (still new)-parents don't like that he didn't go to college -just found out he has anger problems sometimes, controlling, and insecure.-he had a tough past and i believe that's the reason for his problems-he's a beautiful person inside except for that. i told him that he needs to go talk to a counselor or therapist or we can't date because it's affecting me.-he didn't believe me but i was strong enough to do it.-he saw i was serious and said he was willing to go because he cared about me and loved me.-I believe he loves me because he's 21 and never really had a serious relationship and could always just blow off girls but for some reason he loved me alot. -i said i wouldn't go back to him unless he began going to the counselor and got better, then i'd come back. but i wasn't leaving his side the whole time.-he thinks i don't love him anymore because i'm not with him, but i have to say strong and wait until he's better or else it'll happen all over again. -he doesn't wanna talk for a while but the last time we hung out when i told him about breaking up it ended badly.-there's a new york trip for my college this week and i wanted him to go with me so we could at least end on a good note. -he said it'll be too hard for him to go and it would make him feel sad. i think it would cheer him up because he' always wanted to go and we always planned on going.-i don't want to force him or anything but i really want him to go...i think i could convince him and he'd definitely like it. what should i do?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 March 2012):
 I'm not sure I quite understand - have you actually broken up and you want your now ex boyfriend to go on a trip with you?
There is no way he should go on this trip with you, that would be far too painful for him and it will be like you are dangling yourself in front of him going 'look what you could of had'. It is very cruel to suggest this, he needs time to get over the break up, he definitely doesnt need to be going on a romantic trip to New York with his ex!
Leave him alone and do what he has asked - he wants space and not to talk to you anymore.
If you want him to work on his problems then leave him alone to get on with this, dont keep pestering him and trying to be in his life. He wants to be with you, but you dont want him until he has sorted himself out - so leave him alone now. You cannot try and be in his life as a friend or anything else, because clearly he wants more than that. He has made it clear he doesnt want to talk for a while, so respect his wishes and stop being so pushy.
I know you say this guy is controlling, but you take controlling to a new level! You are trying to control every part of this poor guy's life, right down to the vacations he takes! You dont know what is best for him, you have only known him 4 months - so stop trying to take over his life and leave him be.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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