A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I would really appreciate some advice. Please be honest and harsh if you have to...In october 2011 I fell in love with W. It was the second time in my life that I was completely dellusional, blind and naive because of my feelings. I really opened up to him, I once had an emotional breakdown and he supported me and gave me a shoulder to cry on (we had been friends for just a short while though.) This made me too vulnerable. We were unseparable. He had a girlfriend. I saw him and talked to him the whole day long but I never made a move because he wasn't single. After a while, our contact stopped because I fell in love with him so badly that I was obsessed and I started being a bitch to him to hide my feelings.The next half year I still couldn't get him out of my head and I couldn't get over him (seeing him every day made it even worse). I realized I blew my chance because at the start he had feelings for me as well.I can't express the awful ache and longing I had for him.My life felt like it was falling apart because in May I finally saw things in the real light. He fell in love with my best friend K. Me and K. stopped being friends (I was so jealous and felt betrayed because I knew K. had feelings for him, which she was hiding from me for a long time).Meanwhile I thought another guy was cute. Me and this guy N. made out at a party and before I knew it - we were dating. Everyone says that N. looks like W. a lot. I deny it, but I know they look similar. N. is just perfect, he's everything a girl can dream of, he's fantastic...I was falling in love with him. My best friend and W. started dating. Me and her were "cool" again but seeing the two of them made me feel so bitter.Me and N., my boyfriend of a couple of months, are happy, he loves me a lot and we became exclusive fast and got into a serious relationship. I feel like he's my rebound guy though, and I feel guilty, I truely care for him and I want to be with him but I know I still care for W., who I could never have. I can't live with this guilt anymore. I need to get W. out of my heart forever, he's a jerk, he's bad for me, but I'd be running back to him any time.I love N. but I feel like I don't deserve him. I'll be the most foolish person if I let go of him. But I hate myself for not being "entirely there" and giving all my love just to him. I feel like a heartless bitch.Thank you for reading. I really hope you can help me find a solution because I feel more guilty and worthless for doing this to my bf (without him knowing a thing) every day...
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 August 2012):
 Don't be hard on yourself. The easier thing to do is actually accept your feelings and not fight it. When you fight it you are making it a bigger issue. The mind likes to boggle and the ego likes to solve. One more thing to accept is that W chose your friend over you. Maybe she is more like his type. Nothing to get personal over that.
You don't have to love N if he's not really the one. A third thing to accept is that if you are again single you will be able to handle it. If you want to love N so you can get over W that love isn't so genuine. One day there will be a guy who's the one when you are finally ready for a relationship. Don't rush things and don't make things complicated.
A
female
reader, sarasos  +, writes (5 August 2012):
 well iam afraid that you're with the N just because he looks like the W i tell you to stop chasing what you know that doesn't belong to you it might be harsh but i guess its the truth well honey the N boy cares about you a lot and you should give him a try i know the feeling of loving someone that doesn't belong to me. try to get him out of your mind its up to you trust me be strong!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2012): hey girl..everything is alright. you have a great guy. never let him go. i think u shud stop seeing both ur frnd n W, at least for some time till ur relation with N is stronger. Don't complicate things. Keep it simple.
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