A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:so there is this guy that i dated for a few months and i honestly cant seem to get over my ex (before him) , the new guy doesnt realize i no longer wanna be with him i told him over and over again but he thinks im just messing around he doesnt realize im being serious , hes also threatened to harm himself but of corse i wouldnt want that, how do i get him to understand i do not want to be in a relationship with him without him hurting himself ?
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female
reader, Lozzle  +, writes (11 March 2013):
Ive been in this situaton, not too long ago actually. He won't hurt himself, I kept going back to him thinking we could give it another go and everyone would be happy but i was still unhappy and we were togethr for 2 years. i plucked up the courage 2 weeks ago, completely cut contact and everything is fine with both of us. you need to be straight up with him, tell him you're not messing around and he needs to accept that.Like it has been said before, you are NOT in control of what he thinks or does, so e brave and just end it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 March 2013):
 I will "third" YouWish's advice.
He can't hold you "emotionally hostage" unless you let him. You also can NOT control what he feels, thinks or does.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 March 2013):
 I can't improve on what YouWish said so I'll just second it so you know it's a GREAT answer.
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A
female
reader, ThinkingOverdrive +, writes (11 March 2013):
My ex used to pull this one all the time. 'My life's not worth living without you... you'll have to deal with the consequences' blah blah blah.I think unless he has given you any indication of being unstable before, like the other poster said there's probably a 99% chance he's bluffing.Just do what I did if he continues to say this/ it gets worse - make it clear to him it's over, and then ring/ get in contact with his parents, tell them what he's been saying to you and you don't want to feel guilted into staying with him when you're not suited for each other. Then block his number, facebook etc and DO NOT read his messages under any circumstances - they will all be trying to make you pity him/ feel guilt. Good luck - guys like this are not the sort of people you want to be with!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 March 2013):
While 99% of people are simply being manipulative when they make threats like this, it is important to take his threats a little bit more seriously than you would if you knew for a fact he was bluffing. If for no other reason than his possible death could haunt you for the rest of your life.
As stated, that doesn't mean it would be your fault or responsibility, but it's not worth dismissing his threats completely.
I really don't know how else to help. I've been in that situation before, but it was obvious she was just being manipulative, so I told her that what she does to herself is up to her and it has nothing to do with me. She didn't hurt herself.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 March 2013):
 This one is very much easier than you think.
There are only two possibilities:
1. He's bluffing and he's saying this to manipulate you
and
2. He's not bluffing and he's in a very bad mental place.
Your response to him takes care of both possibilities.
If he's threatened to harm/kill himself over you, ask him if he means it. He'll most likely say yes, whether or not it's true. If he says yes, tell him you are legally bound to call 911 on him because he is a danger to himself or others. Then ask him again if he is serious.
Then tell him it's over between you two, and that if he continues to insist that he'll harm himself, then go through with it and call 911 on him. Otherwise, if he backpedals like I think he will, then make the break anyways.
You are not responsible for what he does to himself, and call his bluff and don't be manipulated. It's not your fault, and it won't be your fault.
Your ex is another story. Why are you exes? Think long and hard before you go back to that territory.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): He is playing with your emotions.Leave him!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (11 March 2013):
 Just tell him straight out that you wish him well and hope he has a good life, but that after giving it serious consideration, you have decided you cannot be in a relationship with him.
Don't take any notice of this threats to harm himself if you have nothing more to do with him. He is only trying to make you feel guilty and get you to take pity on him.
To put it another way, what he's doing is trying to manipulate you. You just can't allow him to play with your feelings like that!
IF he does actually do something stupid to himself physically - and he probably won't - then there would STILL be NO reason for YOU to feel responsible. None whatsoever.
See, it would be HIS choice and the consequences would be on him, not you.
I recommend, therefore, just one more attempt on your part to let him know you're not going to be in relationship with him, but that you do want the best for him - WITHOUT you.
Then don't return any texts, emails, phone calls, Facebook, or however else he tries to get in touch with you.
Hope this helps!
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