A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is going to sound extremely petty rant,but just want to ask other people if they think I am being over the top? Me and my boyfriend don't live together (Im at my mum's still,he has a flat) but my mum mostly stays at her partner's house and goes away a lot so Im often alone there. So my boyf does stay with me quite a lot. We both work shifts and sometimes I leave in the middle of the night and vice versa. Im not a neat freak but I try to keep things somewhat tidy. I came home at night after a long shift my boyf had left dirty cups in my bedroom, unmade bed and rubbish chucked in bin (but failed aim so on floor!) When I say unmade bed I mean screwed up to hell and pillows on the floor,that is the last thing I wanted to do fix the bed so I can sleep in it. I told him if you are last to leave please make the bed and don't leave your rubbish and cups in there. He did clear the cups after (I left them for him) but today ive come home after an early (he was last to leave) and once again bed is like a bomb site. We have plans to buy a house together but I told him how can I live with someone who cant sort their own mess? He apologised but I know he'll do it again. Am I being over the top? Is this a valid concern? I don't want to be naggy but this is annoying me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Myau  +, writes (10 June 2016):
 Ahh men, arn't we great lol.
You are right to want him to clean up and need to make sure he is doing it. Its about good habit forming. Its not like your asking him to clean the whole apartment every day. He can easily put rubbish in a bin and rinse out his cups.
As for the bed, we a messy bed is a sign of a good sex life, so congrats there. Sorry bad joke. But he can easily fix a bed. You need to get him in the habit.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2016): It's not your place, it's your mom's home. You have every responsibility of taking care of it in her absence. If he can't keep it clean and tidy, he shouldn't be invited to live there. It's on you. You invited him there, and it's your obligation to make sure he treats your mother's place with respect. He is only a guest, not a tenant. He doesn't pay! You are not his maid. He can live in his own pig sty.
You're showing your mother no respect or appreciation for her hospitality and generosity; by bringing a bum into her house, and not insisting he keep it clean. Especially after you've cleaned up!
Simple remedy. Let him visit, and send him back to his own messy place. This is what living with him will be like.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 June 2016):
 This is a valid concern. Things like this also tends to escalate over time. Imagine the mess he leaves at YOUR room now, when he is there NOT full time, and it's not even partially his room. Imagine how it will look when the room is also HIS, and he is there FULL TIME EVERY DAY AND NIGHT. The mess will be a lot worse.
I mean, how does his own room look, at his own apartment? And I mean, how does it look if he hasn't had time to tidy up before you arrive? This will be a good indicator of how messy he is on an every day basis. It doesn't matter that he cleans up the cups after you nagged on him to do it. You don't want to be a naggy person, you don't want to have to come home and feel drained of energy just from looking at the mess he has made! This is the sort of thing that makes living together impossible.
Don't buy a house with him, unless you are OKAY with living in a mess. If you find yourself annoyed as things as now, you definitely can not live with him because it will be worse. It'll be a waste of your time and money. Be in a relationship, but don't live together.
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