A
female
age
30-35,
*W1111
writes:Okay. So, I have been married to my husband for about a month, and so far it has been horrible.We dated our Junior and Senior year of high school and then we broke up. I ended up dating someone else for a year and I was absolutely in love with him. We broke up and I started dating my current husband. We only dated for about a month before we got married. I live on the either side of the country and I went to visit for Thanksgiving. During the vacation, all he did was complain that I was not who he thought I was. He bitched about me not wanting to hug for ever and a day and that I didn't want to waste the day in bed. Randomly one night, he asks why I still talk to my ex and he went into this rampage. He started yelling at me and telling me to get up. He used the word divorce like 3 or 4 times. Then, he left. Just walked out. So, when he finally decides to come back, he starts crying and begging me to come back and live there still. I'm going for a month for like, a trial. All I can think about though, is my ex. I love him. It is all I can think about. I already know that the trial is going to suck. I actually hope for the trial to fail. I want to be with him more than anything.What do I do??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): Have the marriage annulled and start over in counseling to figure out why you are doing all this stuff.
Learn from it.
Have better relationships in the future.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Well you were far too young to get married and had not dated him for anywhere near long enough to make a commitment to him - so this is what you get for being so foolish.
However, you have made your bed and now you have to lie in it. You made vows to this man, to spend the rest of your life with him and love him until the day you die. Did those words mean nothing to you? Did you just do it for a bit of fun?
Marriage has to be taken incredibly seriously, and you cannot just get out of it quickly and walk away without any problems. So I honestly think you need to cut all contact with your ex, you had your chance with him and you broke up - obviously that relationship was not working otherwise you would not have broken up. An ex is an ex for a reason! If you get him out of your life then you give your marriage a fighting chance that it will work.
Then go into this month trial and put 100% effort into it. Arrive on the first day with a positive attitude, wanting it to work and wanting to be happy with your husband. There must have been something you like about him in order to marry him, therefore focus on all the good things that you like about him and your relationship, and give this marriage your best shot. You made those vows and you have to stand by them, you need to know that you at least tried to make it work.
After all, you dont want to be divorced at 18-21 now do you! So you owe it to your husband, and to yourself, to at least try your best to make it work. Forget about the ex, you two did not work out the first time so a second time would be no better.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2010): It seems you married quickly on the rebound from your previous love. This marriage is hopeless. After only a month things look more than troubled. The two of you may be best off admitting you made a terrible mistake and ending it for own sakes.
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A
male
reader, happy140 +, writes (2 December 2010):
 I am guessing this:
“I already know that the trial is going to suck. I actually hope for the trial to fail. I want to be with him more than anything.”
…Do you mean you want your husband back? The difference is staring back at you. You know your ex for years and fell in love, heck your still in love, it has not had time to dissipate yet. That is NORMAL to me; you two spent a lot of time together. Your marriage never had a chance; neither of you two wants to try.
1) Realize that you love your ex but are not IN LOVE with him (you two broke up remember for a good amount of time and for a good reason).
2) ) Suck up the pride, tell your husband how you feel. To many marriages fail because of pride, pride so proud that some just can’t say I’m sorry and the reverse, refusal to accept an apology (in abuse its totally different)
3) Realize that you two should have waited to get married, most mature adults wait until they really know someone, but that does not mean it will not work but drastically improves the chances. So you two need to work harder at it. It is ALWAYS work but gets more pleasant in time and never a burden.
4) Realize that you married because you were in infactuated with him and him you. The ex factor is making him change his option of you. Men, like to think our wives think and desire only us. YOU told your husband it is not the two of us it is the three of us. How would you feel?
5) Our past makes us who we are, but you can lead yourself in the direction by going with your heart.
6) Remember the ex may not want you back and you end with NOTHING no ex, no husband, is it worth it?
7) And the most important always remember that what a woman says is not always what a man hears. You could have NOT been infatuated with your ex and said you call him and we would hear just what’s happing to you now, no differencein love, infatuated the fact is you spoke to him often.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Just divorce your husband and go on to pursue your ex. There is nothing worth keeping in this 'marriage'. Just make sure you date your ex for a lot longer than a month before marrying him.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 December 2010):
 Why wait? You know it's not going to change in a month. Change takes a hell of a lot longer than that. It's in your best interest to get a divorce or this marriage annulled..only I'm unsure of the terms in which they'll grant you one. Something to look into. Maybe you should have dated your husband longer to see what each other are really like before saying "I do.".
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