A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 6 yrs. I had intimacy problems with my husband, I felt guilty after having sex and never wanted to recollect those moments. I met this guy after my third anniversary and became friends, eventually i started loving him, he is single. SInce i didnt have healthy relationship with my husband i felt I should leave him. My boyfriend wanted to marry me as i felt very comfortable with him in realtionship matters. I was earlier pending the divorce but my Boyfriend really got pissed off since past 2 yrs and left me due to my inability to separate but I couldnt bear that and finally i got divorced. This entire thing was like a rolercoaster ride. But I am still attached to my husband, I feel secured with him. But I cant loose the otherguy.. The thought of not having in m life makes me feel sick. I have spoit that beautiful, loving realtionship with my boyfriend because of all these thoughts and he no longer trusts me. I feel lost all the time. where as my husband knows this entire situation but still wants me in his life. But I dont have anything to offer and I just feel so stuck in this about not hurting my husband but at the same time I cannot imagine losing the one I love. Me and my boyfriend had many ups and downs in past 2 and half yrs. I want to be with him but I am scared to leave my husband as he still takes care of me, I am scared to see anything go wrong once i get married to my boyfriend. His state of mind has also changed in this entire situation. Please help me I am constantly being hurt by the emotions that are running with in me.
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (26 July 2007):
 Sweetheart I think the real problem here is the fact that you still have strong loving feelings towards your husband and the safe and secure way he makes you feel.
Perhaps going for counselling about the intimacy issues would have been better whilst you were still in the relationship.
I think that some counselling for yourself right now would be a good way to go as you need to sort out your own head before being with someone new.
I can understand where your bf is coming from as you are not showing any signs of committment towards him and by still having your husband in your life you are having the best of both worlds, two men who want you in their life.
Get to the root of your own emotions before you make a lifetime committment to another man as I could see that ending in disaster if you don't and I think you would still keep your husband sitting around in the background which is basically not fair to either one of them.
Analyse why you feel the way you do with someone who is impartial, do you have emotions that are still deep rooted from your childhood, did a previous relationship with a bf before your husband affect the way you feel emotionally?
These are all things that I think need addressing and once they have been addressed you will come out of it as a woman who knows what she wants out of life and who she wants to be with or not as the case may be.
You have to do this for you and not to make someone else happy, it is your life at the end of the day and living a lie is not a healthy way to live.
Start as you mean to go on and look into who is a professional counsellor and a member of a well known federation and check out their credentials and costs involved.
I think this is the way forward for you talking openly with a third party who is impartial.
Yes many people can give you advice on this site but only a counsellor will truly get to the real problems I think, they may be minor but once unlocked you will feel relieved in my opinion but it is just my opinion OK.
Best of luck and keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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