A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:To keep it brief. Been having an affair for over two years. I'm now seperated from my husband through choice not to be with the man I'm having affair with. The man I'm having an affair with has a partner (He is divorced). They do not live together but his partner was to move into HIS house over a year ago. This still hasn't happened. I'm now moving out of my house that I owned with my husband and into rented property. Since this has come to light the man I'm having the affair with has continued to stall his partner moving in. Him and I had a good friendship before we became physical. I don't want to continue to be the other woman when she moves in BUT I don't know how to let go. I don't want to be judged. Its not all about sex. We are emotionally close too - we do confide in one another about personal issues. This was a friendship that turned into something more without intention. I do love him. I know it sounds like the same old story. He recently said to me that he doesn't want her to move mainly because he doesn't want to let go of our 'relationship'. He used the word relationship - I find that hard to take, given his situation. I do believe him. I don't want to be the other woman. I want to be his but I don't want to jump into another relationship after ending my marriage.He is in a difficult situation as he was involved in a serious car accident that badly injured her son. He says he feels a responsibility because of this but he does not want to be with her. He said that he was moving them in for the wrong reasons - I think he meant guilt over the accident (he was driving). I know as fact he doesn't want her to move and so what I CAN'T understand is WHY he is going ahead and doing his - they are NOT married and it's NOT his son.I'm confused. It seems in his head seems in someway tied to her and the son because of what happened. I believe what he is telling me. I don't think he is just feeding me lines and telling me what I want to hear. There is a 20 year age gap between him and I. He is 53. I'm not looking at this situationwith Rose tinted glasses - I have my eyes wide open. I don't want to be hurt and nor do I want to lose his friendship either - he is important to me - I do love him and I respect him. I also want the best for him but I truly believe the answer isn't moving in with his partner. I absolutely want to be with him I would appreciate some non judgemental advice. Thanks you for listening.
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female
reader, skoolof life +, writes (10 May 2011):
 Basically you have ended your marriage and will soon be living in your own place. Your lover on the other hand hasn't changed anything. He is in fact stringing 2 women along and at 53 probably thinks he's the dogs gonads, a real playboy.He has given you the shove you needed to end your marriage though.
All I can say is actions speak way louder than any words.
Enjoy your freedom, live the single life and eventually a guy will come along who will make you happy, I doubt it will be your current lover.
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