A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:LONG QUERY PLEASE GUIDEMy best friend and I have known each other for seven years. He is five years younger to me, though we have never felt the difference in any way.Intellectually we were always on fire, with all similiar interests and wits about literature, dance, music, relationships, you name it and we had that in common. Lately the past year we had been hanging out a lot, almost every other day. Around 10 months ago i sensed our interaction changing, and was loaded with chemistry. Nonetheless I avoided indulging my interest out of fear that it was just banter. Also I noticed his drinking had increased a lot in the past year. Three months ago in Jan, he came home drunk and asked me to lie next to him, at which point i said to him that I was not into a one night stand with him and sent him home saying he was too drunk. He texted an apology next morning and ignored me for five days (which is unusual) but then when I texted him, he came over, we spoke about it we agreed there was attraction but he said the chemistry was based on high levels of comfort, which may not be a good thing. I nodded and let it pass.A month ago over a drunken night, with all playing on my mind, I told him I wanted to kiss him, which then we did but with alcohol he could not keep himself erect so we slept off and next morning after some sleep also had sex.He did pleasure me, But he himself didn't orgasm, and when I asked he mumbled something about he "was sacred of shooting off a big load" Right after it he said he could not handle a relationship and that I was too precious to lose as a friend.I again nodded writing it off, but really couldn't get it off my mind. Another month passed we hung out a lot together but there was no sex or any such thing involved, just hanging with friends when we were both in town.I also insisted on a short conversation, and told him I didn't regret it. He said the same, however i think it was out of being nice. the hanging around however became difficult for me,then after a week or so I sent him a mail saying that I understood that he doesn't like me in return and I respect his opinion, but since I do, its best we don't meet a while. And when I am feeling okay about the situation and can be just friends, I will call.He landed up the next morning at my door step and I have never been this awkward as I felt that day. I told him I cannot see him right now, so he made some excuse of needing some medicine for something, which I gave to him. As he left he said "I am out of town for ten days, But I want you to call me in ten days?" to which I did not respond and he left. I then got a message from him apologising for the intrusion and that he hopes to see me soon.When he texted again after 2 weeks i said, i could not see him because I was still involved and that we should end it. He sent a text with big claims how he is leaving town the next day and will 'hunt me down after he was back in town'(which i find odd, because i live ten lanes away and if he wanted to 'hunt me down' he could have done it right away?). in the next month I got two missed calls and a text. Missing him desperately I decided to find courage to at least meet him and see what happens. And agreed on text to meet. But then he vanished again for a week with no response to my text.So i wrote him an email saying that when I found courage to meet him, why the silence and if anything of the friendship should be salvaged it must be spoken about. To which he responded saying he has been busy, "with some tough things on his mind" and he will call when he is back. (I don't know if he was in town or not, through the many months) And it has been 2 weeks since that mail. Did he make the effort just to make himself feel better, and then when I agreed to meet he ran away? And I, who cannot understand men, or him am very confused. My friends say everything stemmed from the fact that he could not ejaculate and that is a huge deal for a man who is normally seen by the world as a STAR. Can it be that the problem is just that? Please guide.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): I cut off all connection because he would be around all the time, and completely ignore that something happened between us. As far he was concerned he did not even want to have a conversation. When I tried he ran after three sentences which I spoke. Even as a friend he did not check if I was fine or not after what happened. And I fell in love. It is hard, very very hard to hang around with a straight face and pretend all is well, because all i'd do once he'd leave or i would was to weep. I also did a lot of soul searching that I had crossed over to the other side and could not be 'just friends'and the courting wasn't sudden it took 9-10 months! The sex wasn't sudden, it took a 12 hours! So it was no 'game' it was self preservation. I do thank you for your feedback but I would like you to know that I am one person to accept my faults when I can. Life has thrown me many experiences, some of my own making. But this was not.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): I see this as a game that you have started to play; when you like him and both enjoy being together why you should do this to him and just cut all the connections all of the sudden? You could do better just but not hang out that often rather than cutting all the communication and everything! There is two conditions, 1- this period of time was so hard for him and at beginning he was scared of missing you but after being ignored and ignored ……..he got use to it and found it not very difficult to deal with, so he has adjusted his feeling with the situation and now is more comfortable but not seeing you. 2- He is playing the same game and basically it's tit for tat. He may come back But if you value your friendship don’t play with him again!
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