A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend 18 months. He has let me down over money, flirting and not taking enough responsibility. He is not a bad person but I met him when I was at a low point after divorce and we dont have much in common. I feel I have put a lot in and he has taken advantage of my generosity at times. The relationship is not right and have thought for long time I need to end things with him but kept giving it time / him chances. Am dreading getting thru Xmas / New year it all feels false to me . I really care about him so wondering to avoid hurt how soon into New Year / Jan I can do this and how to say it. I was married a long time and have no experience of ending relationship proactively. Thank you for reading this x
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (26 December 2013):
 Proactive = Acting in advance to deal with an expected difficulty
I suspect you’ve come to realise how you like to be properly treated in a relationship after having been previously divorced and being let down by your boyfriend?
When you met him you said you were at a low point – vulnerable; which is understandable… Yet after 18 months it sounds like you’ve grown to recognise what’s good for you and somehow he’s not that good or what you need for yourself to be happy? To me that’s a positive, an awaking
For me when I recognise I’ve had enough and it’s come to THE END; I simply face them (or you could call him) and say, “This relationship is not working for me…” This tends to grab their attention as my tone of voice means business; I need to talk! After which I would say thanks for the good times, but there’s just not enough between us for us to continue. I don’t get into verbally blaming the other person as my mind is made up; they’ve had ample time and opportunity to make it right
(Keep in mind you’ll have to be strong, have full conviction and belief in your thoughts for this to end. As he’s not going to change and maybe he’ll make promises to change when he won’t. They are who they are! If you waver and start believing in his false promises, you’ll simply be postponing the inevitable.)
How soon should you deliver this news into the New Year – January? Well it’d be a bit false to keep this charade up into the New Year for me… But if you intend on waiting into January and or celebrate New Years together, wouldn’t it weigh heavier in the back of your mind that way?
If possible, celebrate the New Year with friends and wake up feeling free at last!?
Take Care – CAA
A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (25 December 2013):
Everyone hurts in a break up. You need to tell him the truth. Then cut off all contact with him. He doesn't need to be reminded of you with conversation, email, text, I think you get my point.
Breaking up is never easy to do.....Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Martine +, writes (25 December 2013):
 Hi. Sorry to hear you are struggling. Why not write him an email ending it? Tell him when you see him that you don.t think things are working out,and if you can.t end it face to face,write him a kind email doing so. Say you appreciate the time you spent together,however you feel it.s not working out,and do not wish to take it any further,and all the best for his future. I hope things work out for you. Don.t stay in it for any reason,including feeling guilty. Gd luck,and let us know how you get on. X
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (25 December 2013):
 The most humane way to do this is directly and fairly quickly. He's going to hurt regardless, but doing it once means he can begin to heal sooner instead of trying to nurse a constantly open wound (or expecting you to nurse it).
You're not serving him with divorce papers while he lies dying in a hospital bed. You're not kidnapping his child and moving to a remote part of the world. You're just breaking up with a guy you're dating. A guy who, I might add, hasn't exactly been the best boyfriend he could have been.
I suggest you call him and just tell him this relationship isn't working and you'd rather be on your own. Keep it brief and matter of fact. Do NOT assure him of how hard it is for you to do this or that you'll always care for him. I don't recommend you agree to meet either because |I don't know what good that would do. And do not offer or agree to remain friends. That would only give him false hope and create extra work for you.
Why start 2014 with this hanging over your head? Tend to unpleasant business now and start the new year fresh.
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