A
female
age
51-59,
*hatbutterb
writes:Dear cupid, I've been with my boyfriend who I love dearly 4 about a years now. Before we lived together he got a girl pregnant. I knew about this and he said we would deal with this when the baby is born. Well the baby came and he told me they were going for dinner. I've come to find out he's been sneaking around seeing her and buying the baby gifts behind my back. I don't want him not to be with his son, I value family. I just want to be in the child's life. He is gone to see her now and I asked him to talk to her about me coming to see the child. He said I'll ask her, I don't know what she's going to say but I'll ask her. My response to that was if you're the baby's father you have just as many rights to the child as she does. Tell her she is my girlfriend and you're going to have to accept her being with me and the baby. I'm very hurt and confused am I getting all worked up over nothing. Help! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): I know this may sound harsh but you have no relation to the child. So why should you be involved because children need stability and you and your boyfriend could break up any time. The childs needs should come first.When your boyfriend spends time with his child it is his and the childs time not yours. Of course he should be able to buy the child gifts without having to tell you.
Though you should tell your boyfriend how you feel about this situation.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): For one, you always doubt the man because it sounds to me he cheated on you getting this girl pregnant before you moved in together. And secondly, I highly doubt he's going to ask this woman if she will let you be a part of the baby's life. The reality is if this woman is a first time mother, chances are she is going to be very protective over her new baby. You take baby away from mama bear to another "mama figure" or however you want to look at it, mama bear is going to get upset.Also, he gets her pregnant and now he's sneaking behind your back buying the baby gifts and such? I'd say dump him. You're just getting yourself mixed into a big mess. Do you honestly think you will ever trust him?
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (16 November 2008):
 Why not ask that the baby be dropped off at his house, then he won't have to ask her permission. Help him pick out a crib, toys and supplies so that he can take care of her for a few hours in the afternoon on weekends. If she sees that he is set for her, he may allow it.
I doubt that she wants him to bring a new girlfriend with him to her house, and as you are only his girlfriend, not his wife or fiancee, you really can't make demands here. Even if you were his wife or fiancee, she would still have to invite you, and I doubt that would happen either. Who is the "her" and "she" that he is sneaking off to see, his ex or his daughter? The fact that you haven't even mentioned to baby's sex makes me think that you are more concerned about keeping ties on your boyfriend and his ex more than your wanting to be "in the child's life"... Sorry, but I calls them as I sees them. :^)
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