A
female
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anonymous
writes:How do you let go of someone who you care about so much and possibly even love despite the fact that they treat you not right sometimes? I have a friend, who wants to be in a relationship with me and I want to be in one with him too, however, Ive been putting it off because Im unsure, im afraid of geting hurt as he does some really hurtful things. Ive spoken to a counsellor about it and she said what hes doing to me is emotioanlly abusive. I wont go into details about how hes emotionally abusive, because it would take too long, and I know that is what hes doing, so i guess i dont need any convincing about that. My head knows that starting a relationship with him is a baddddd idea, but my heart wants to give it a go. I dont know how to withdraw from someone who is an important part of my life. I am seriously crying at the thought of saying goodbye to him because of the way he treats me, but also at the same time, the thought of going into a relationship with him, althoguh it makes me happy on one hand, on the other, it makes me think its only going to ruin my self esteem more.I just dont knwo, well i do know really, but i just feel like i cant. Im so scared im going to go into this relationship and get badly hurt, im afraid i dont have the strength to put myself first. Part of me hopes that maybe he can change, maybe if it talk to him about it, he will stop doing it. Is that possible?
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female
reader, lola16182  +, writes (3 February 2009):
My best advice to you is not start a relationship with him. Get away while you still can.I wish I had known before I got into a relationship like that. But there were no warning signs before. My problems didn't start until 10 months into the relationship..there were no warning signs so the fact that there are warning signs with this guy and you ARENT even dating yet is definitely a bad sign. And a piece of advice is that it is harder to leave an abusive relationship that you think. I always thought I was tough and that if I ever got into a bad relationship I would the first to announce that I was leaving the minute something happened. I've been in this situation for 5 months now and I don't know to leave it. When you heart and head argue...your heart usually wins. I know in my head I should leave because I don't want a life of abuse, but my heart loves him and hopes he will change.Save yourself the misery, don't get caught up in that like I am right now...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): well from what you have wrote, id say steer clear, the amount of women who struggle to leave abusive relationships is high, you know before hand what could be, so take care of yourself and dont even go there, you may be feeling as you do because your wondering 'what if...' but i think you know how it would be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2009): Wow, we seem to be going thru the exact same thing right now. Well, good to know I'm not alone here in this pain. In my case, I HAVE resolved to break off our relationship and told him so this week.
Here's why I chose to do that:
For whatever reason, I seem to attract men of that ilk, and past experiences have taught me to recognize the signs of a potential abuser and stop things before the relationship evolves to anything serious like living together or marriage. It's awfully hard to let go of someone when your feelings are so strong, but you MUST do it, because staying with them will only keep you emotionally worn down all the time and maybe even put you in harm's way if his anger ever evolves into violence.
Emotional abusers wear down your self-esteem, and eventually you will lose faith in yourself. He will belittle you, insult your intelligence, your looks, any and every little thing he can attack you on. And it doesn't ever get better, I'm sad to say. It only gets worse.
UNLESS he is willing to agree to counseling for his problem and REALLY WORK ON IT, then trust me, it's better to let go now before you get stuck and can't get out.
Be strong and do this for YOURSELF. Remember that there are guys in this world who will treat you like gold and never insult or abuse you. You want to be with someone who will build you up, not tear you down...and have faith that the right guy for you will come along when the time is right.
After all, it's better to be single and in control of your own destiny than to let an emotional abuser control *you*, just for the sake of being in a relationship.
If it's not a good, healthy, supportive relationship, then it's just not worth having at all.
Hope you can find the strength to walk away from him. I know it's tough, girl. I'm still hurting from my breakup, but at the same time I feel so relieved because I sure don't miss playing his manipulative, hurtful games! In that sense, it feels like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders!
You'll be ok, just remember that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING - no man ever has the right to try and take that away from you or make you feel otherwise.
That's not love by any definition of the word!!!
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