A
female
age
41-50,
*b13
writes:My ex broke up with me on mid Dec. It has been truly hard for me because I do love her. She has acted like a royal c*nt because i refused to stay friends. I mantained no contact for a while... recently, I have picked up the phone when she calls, all she does is rubbing her new gf in my face. That doesn't bother me, as I don't care about what they do. I went from crying every day, and feeling miserable; to live life, and focus on me. I destroyed every bit of evidence that she existed in my life... what I didn't throw away, I burned it. However, I am still hurt, I get choked up when people bring her name up, I get this overwhelming anxiety if I see a picture of her, we havent seen each other since February, I have managed to avoid her like she was an airborne herpes patogen. I love her, wish her well... but i dont want her back, not even as a friend... I just dont want to be hurt anymore, I wanna be completely happy, and I dont know how. I'm trying to do me, but she comes up all the time... I am not dating as I prefer to be free of baggage (this kind of sitch is baggage in my eyes) before I try to holla at anyone. Help :(
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female
reader, Shamandalie  +, writes (28 April 2011):
GeeGee's right. Stop picking her calls. Change your number if you have to. She just wants to hurt you. She's the one not moving on, not you. You want to be happy. She doesn't want you to be happy.I spent more than 3 yrs in a relationship and when it was over I thought it was the end of the world. I cried, asked for help on this site, tried to call him, etc. I slowly moved on, made new friends, and some time ago started a new relationship. My ex contacted me a few times, mostly to show off how well he was. I answered by making him notice that I am also well. I haven't forgotten about him. I no longer love him or want to be with him, but I know that the experiences, successes or failures, led me to where I am now. For some time I also had those weird feelings when seeing a photo (I eventually destroyed them all when I cleaned to move out of my parents' house) or someone brought him up. I was bitter about him for a while but then it faded away.As my best friend always says: the X in ex is the cross in the cemetery. They're gone. But it's hard to forget someone you loved, someone who meant a lot in your life. And she will not go away completely. It's part of your past. It's part of who you are now, a stronger, happier woman. Maybe you're still bitter since it hasn't been that long, but that's all right. I try to think this way: Every time I think about how my ex hurt me or why I didn't say this or that, I am wasting time and energies that I could spend on thinking about the people I love (friends, family, lover, whatever) or in making plans for the future or in remembering nice things from the past. While it is a very positive thing to analyze the past in order to avoid making the same mistakes, I must not let that past haunt me and prevent me from being happy. It is done. Lesson learned. I will focus on my present and my future and the people I care about.Hope you'll get better soon :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): Don't answer her phone calls if you is rubbing her new gf infront of you face I understand how you want to be free, but before you can really do that. Try and go somewhere quite and relax, have a while where you can think or you could think of a hobby to do. You can play sports or focus on work.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (27 April 2011):
 Do yourself a huge favor and stop picking up her phone calls. You are doing everything else right as far as I can see from what you wrote. Give yourself some credit for getting out of an unhealthy relationship and for wanting better for yourself. You do deserve better and you are going to find love again, when you are ready. So until then, just keep moving forward and working on improving yourself. Time will do the rest.
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A
female
reader, Thornbirds  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 Don't make your breakup too hard on you. Take it easy. The more you exert effort to forget her, the more it takes time and harder for you because you made her as a focus of your life's daily activity to think about. You accepted it's over, but you think of it over, and over again. So, instead of letting her go, you hold her so dear in your life that letting her go off your mind is twice as difficult and hard to do. Think of it like a bird. Let it hover over you, but don't let it lay eggs on your head. Your behavior towards her and your breakup is just a normal reaction in a broken love relationship. However,you must believe and tell yourself that your feelings of loneliness and bitterness will not stay the same forever. You will recover in due time and will learn to love again , if not the same way, more than the feelings you have at the moment for her. It is natural to be angry and hurt, and bitter and miserable. You will be familiar with these negative feelings. When the right one comes along,when you fall in love the next time with another one, you will just be surprised for the casual treatment you will give her when you happen to meet her again. Don't be hard on yourself..just be patient. You are wounded at the moment. Don't force healing to come at an instant. It will happen on its own time. When it does, you will think of this relationship as part of your journey in life. It is full of ups and downs...sometimes bumpy, sometimes smooth. That is life.. and more ahead..just be prepared to meet life's challenges. They can be tough at times.. It doesn't rain everyday.. as the sun isn't visible all the time..life often comes in small or big packages of pain and glory..sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry. Now it is your time to cry..it's ok to cry. It cleanses the soul, and gives time to examine the value of the lost one..but once it's over,take time to bring cheer to your life and .. this time, you won't be afraid to fall in love again!
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