A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I found out after marrying my husband that he had lied to me about why his first marrage ended,he told me his ex wife had cheated,i found out it was him.He knew before we actually met that i cannot stand people who cheat.Since i have found out i just cannot trust him at all,purely because of the fact he lied i trusted him totally before that.I moved away from my home town to be with him,i just feel i dont know him at all.Its like i'm just waiting for him to cheat on me.Any advice would be gratefully recieved as i have nobody to talk to.
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female
reader, Brigid +, writes (16 June 2008):
Just a thought, but if he knew how you felt about cheating before he got with you then maybe he lied about it because he knew he wouldn't stand a chance if he told you.
I can completely understand how you feel about this, there is the feeling that if he's done this once then he's capable of doing it again. BUT, please take an honest look at your relationship before you found this out, was it good? Did he give you any reason to distrust him? If your relationship was good, open and honest then it would be a mistake to throw it away because of a mistake he made in a former relationship.
Trust is a hard one to restore once damaged but I believe that you have to put this in perspective and believe in your marriage.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou i agree ask older sister.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your reply eyeswideopen i love him very much,but i wouldn't have got with him if i had known this before because i would have known i would feel how i do now.It just seems like he's not the person i knew after i had found out,and i now wonder what else i dont know. thankyou again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Peaches thank you for your reply,i have always said once a cheat always a cheat too.My husband said he cheated on his ex wife because she cheated on him,his wife found out and he left her for the woman he had cheated with. He isn't one for talking things through,he says it leads to arguments,he just wont talk about the past,he said thats the past,but he knows all about mine.He thinks his past is nothing to do with me because he didn't know me then.I wish he would talk. Thank you again.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Talk about a double whammy! There is fundamentally something wrong character-wise with cheaters and liars. A major flaw that can ruin a relationship. And the sad thing is people who lie about major things and who cheat are likely to do it over and over because of this character flaw. Sometimes, but I'd say rarely, it's a one time thing. I'd have a long talk with your husband and make sure he understands that if he wants to have a marriage with you, you have zero tolerance for either behavior. Hopefully he can rise above his past tendencies and be a good husband. But a least now you won't be blindsided if he backslides. The very best of luck to you honey.
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A
female
reader, peaches83 +, writes (16 June 2008):
 Hiya
Its an hard one, the fact that he not only lied but he cheated is a bad thing. However i know some people and i my self have said it before once a cheat always a cheat, well in some cases it not like that. He may turn out to be faithful. I know it may be hard but speak to him about why he cheated.
If you know the reasons then you can try to avoid them, not that you should but it just means you know what to look out for.
Have you both moved to this new place or just you??
Im sure that he will not cheat he seems to think a lot about you if he married you so thats a good point. Trusting him again will take a lot but if you truely want to be with him then you will make it work no matter how hard it is. Keep you relationship open, in terms of speak about everything and tell eah other everything. That should show trust in each other.
Hoep this helps
Peaches
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