A
female
age
30-35,
*iss Misunderstood
writes:My boyfriend and I went through some problems last year.. where he would get mad for just about everything.. even though what he would get mad about usually did not make any sense whatsoever. For example, one time he started acting like a little kid and said if I kissed him I would be a pedophile and I just smiled and said, "Well.. I guess I can't kiss you then.." and then suddenly he got pissed and walked out the room and slammed the door and I followed him out into his living room and I tried to hug him to figure out what was wrong.. but he pushed me off him and started yelling at me.. and things of this sort would happen every time I saw him.. it's like he was two completely different people.. gah I was just so confused because I loved him so much.. and all I wanted was for him to be happy.. and as this sort of behavior continued, I felt my sanity begin slipping away more and more each day.. Months later I made the decision to break up with him because I thought maybe he just didn't want for me to be with him anymore.. maybe he would be happier without me. But 2 days afterwards he called me apologizing for everything, and I apologized too, and we got back together.. When I saw his mom, she told me he had been crying alot when we weren't together and it made me realize that he truly did love me and care about me.. and even though things are alot better now, I still can't get those memories out of my head.. of when he would hurt me so terribly (but it wasn't his fault.. he didn't mean to, he was just really stressed out). Now whenever he gets just the slightest bit angry at something or someone, I start shaking really badly and feel like I'm suffocating.. and if he gets angry at me it is even worse.. and every now and then my mind will trap me in the flashbacks and I start crying and unconsciously start trying to hurt myself and he has to pin me down until it stops.. it's so annoying :/ I really really don't want to be this way.. but I can't make it go away.. Please.. I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world.. I want to be able to discuss things with him even if they are not the most pleasant things in the world to talk about, without me getting so upset. Any thoughts or advice for this problem would be strongly appreciated. Thank you all in advance.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 Well it sounds to me like your boyfriend realised that his behaviour was wrong and when you offered to take him back he knew that he had to change and that is what he has done. Now in saying that everyone gets angry sometimes in there life and its only natural that you will both get angry at each other or both have little arguments its normal in a relationship. You need to be able to deal with this.
I think the best solution here for you is to maybe see a councellor or a therapist as there is obviously fear built up inside of you and you need to overcome that and let it go. So they will be able to talk to you about it and explain what you should do.
A
male
reader, faenon  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 You should always lay down the line on things even if they are unpleasant to talk about it helps make the relationship stronger for the better voicing your concerns lets him know what you dont like as well which in turn helps him be a better partner to you. Have a word with your boyfriend definitely and talk to him about it.
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