A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a happily married women who went through a miscarriage a few months ago. My body has taken a while to get back on track but I'm finally there. Ever since the miscarriage my husband has been worried about causing 'problems' for me if we have sex (Initially after miscarriage I had intermittent bleeding). But If I felt OK to have sex I would make the first move, to let him know. Now everything is ok, he still isn't coming on to me, and I am still doing all the work. I've tried explaining how I feel to him, but he doesn't seem to understand.The last week or so I've been missing the 'passion', sex where I have to do all the work isn't really ringing my bell (if you know what I mean). I have started thinking of male friends in a different way and wonder what it would be like to have a hot and passionate sexual encounter with them.I feel so confused. I would never be unfaitful to my husband as I love him so much, but feel my needs aren't being catered for. Is it just my hormones after the miscarriage?!Any advise greatly received x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (3 September 2008):
 Firstly Im sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Your husband's feeling could still be to do with this, he probably has trapped feelings that have not been dealt with properly. I think sometimes people dont realise that the man has lost a baby too (I dont mean you) and they expect him to be strong and carry on as normal. Try talking to him about this and see if he can open up to you. He may not have grieved properly and having sex will make him think of the baby, the miscarriage and even the chance of you getting pregnant again, all which will be scary and worrying for him.
It may take time for him to be able to really let himself go with you sexually as he is frightened of hurting you, this just shows that he loves you. Give him that time, take things slowly and try and build up the former passion, it probably wont happen overnight but the more you have sex the easier it may become for him. Maybe try other things like lots of massage and sensual touching without worrying about the sex side, you may find he gets so turned on that the passion reignites in a gentle way to start with. I'm sure that if you wait you can work this out x
A
female
reader, Lilly Rose +, writes (3 September 2008):
 Sorry to hear about what you went through.Its very easy to start looking at other men in that way when the passion is lacking but trust me its not worth losing a man you love.You really need to get it into his head that you want things to go back to normal and yes you went through a bad time and so did your body but you are still a women with sexual needs. Maybe hes still grieving and feels you still need space as its only been a few months and thats not very long, ask him how he feels about your sex life and how its changed. Maybe let him know your not feeling like your connecting in sex like you used to and you miss that.
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