A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for six yrs. and now have a 9 month old daughter. After a few months into our relationship i ended it because i didn't like the fact that he smoked. He promised to quit and he did for about a year. I then began to notice that he often smelled like smoke and could also smell it on his breath, but i never said anything. After the birth of our daughter i kept throwing hints at him that i knew about his smoking. Just the other day I went through his company vehicle and found the cigs. I confronted him and asked him to leave. Now he's sorry and wants us to work things out for our daughter. He promises to quit but everytime our relationship is in jeapordy, he makes promises and only keeps them for a while. At this point i'm not sure about my feelings for him, its seems as if he has killed the love i did have for him. Right now i'm kind of glad he's gone, and a little sad. I do belive we need time apart, atleast so he can realize that he's miss out. I'm not sure he can change he is constantly lying to me. I just hate that fact that our daughter is going to have to grow up without her father. She doesn't even notice that he's not around right now, and i'm scared that when it's his weekend she wont recongize him. I grew up without my father and i dont want that life for my daughter. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2010): I'm with you on this one.
It is heartbreaking to watch someone you know be so utterly stupid. It says smoking kills on the side for a reason.
Why people would voluntarily choose to suck on a cancer stick I will never know but here are some cold facts for you.
98% of people with lung cancer are smokers
1 in ever 3 people that smoke will sooner or later have a smoking related illness (often but not always cancer)
Children of parents that smoke are 80% more likely to start smoking than those whose parents don't smoke.
Smokers are predominantly working/lower class with limited education (again its statistics, naturally there are exceptions).
But I think that the point you were most concerned over was the breaking of a promise he made you. If he can't/won't quit for the sake of his own health then ask him to quit for the sake of your child's health (and your relationship).
If he doesn't then give him an ultimatum (but only if you are truly prepared to walk away).
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionExaclty my point, we didn't see each other much in the begining, and the day i met him, he didn't smoke, so when i did find out that's when i broke up with him. There's a lot more to the relationship, but what bothers me is he promised to quit if i didn't leave him. And four years later i come to find out he's being lying to me. I don't know but that seems selfish to me. He kept me around for six years and it was all a lie.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2010): yup! You are not serious at all!! Get a life sweetheart.you need to think about someone else other than yourself.for goodness sakes there is a child involved.if you want to leave him so badly,make up another excuse only not as lame as that.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 June 2010):
Of course she will recognize him. She may not seem to notice he's not there, but babies don't just suddenly forget about someone. So long as he sees her when it's his weekend and spends time with her, there won't be a problem.
As for breaking up, from what you've written there is a lot more to this than just the smoking. But don't make the mistake of thinking that if he feels he's missing out he will suddenly change, because chances are he won't. If he couldn't change before, then it's likely he won't know. And even if he offers to, clearly you should be wary. Your daughter won't grow up without her father so long as he gets his act into gear.
...............................
A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (12 June 2010):
 Are u kidding me? your not serious right? maybe he should order you to lose 10lbs or he's going to throw you out on your ass,your a shallow and moronic person! I think he's better off without you, grow up, your a joke, mabey you should get some substance then go look for your perfect man! I'm sure he needs to smoke having you as his wife, he probably has a bottle in his work truck too, you don't love him cause he smokes, HE SMOKED WHEN YOU MET HIM! it would be great to see him get custody of your kid, then kick you to the curb, cause you like ice cream! my advice to you, is divorce him, free him of his misery! I'm being dead serious!
...............................
|
