A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so i have been dating this guy for about a month and at first things were good. he was very sweet, he always wanted to hang out, he would compliment me all the time, he would make me feel wanted. however, this week things seemed to change. we got into a huge fight when he got very drunk. i was really very upset, and once he sobered up he apologized (via text) and i was still upset, but i wanted to talk in person. so when i went to go talk to him, he acted like he didn't even care that i was upset and never even apologized in person. i decided to just let it go, but on the inside i was still hurting over the fight and the way he acted when we talked. ever since then, things have just seemed completely different and i have no idea why. i feel stupid, but i'm really worried that he's not that into me anymore and it makes me feel depressed. i dont know what i did wrong or why he would be acting this way....or am i just overanalyzing? i really do like him and want this to work but i don't know what to say to him to get to the bottom of this. please please please help me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): Beware of the effects of alcohol/drugs on relationships.
Drugs, and alcohol is a drug, can make you feel better than when you are sober, particularly if you are not feeling good about life/yourself/your relationships when you are sober.
But the drug goes away and you have to deal with what you have done, and it can be a vicious cycle.
The key issues here are that you care about someone, but he got really intoxicated, and you fought, and then he didn't really apologize very well.
Well, if he's getting really drunk, then realize that you don't really know him all that well. What you know is the sober him who is withdrawn from alcohol, and the drunk him who is intoxicated.
What you don't know is who he would be if the alcohol wasn't involved at all. You may not like that person, he may not like you. However, if you are liked by or like the person who is intoxicated, or like them only between intoxications, you really need to be aware that you are setting yourself up for a heck of a problem in the future.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Miss, I have my VERY strong adverse opinions on alcohol but will not get into them. This man is emotionally abusing you and seems very very immature. You deserve a healthy relationship. Youre not stupid, just unsure what to do and how to approach the decision. Im here and everyone else is here to assist u.
Regards
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A
male
reader, Boy Blue +, writes (28 September 2010):
Does things "seem" different or are they actually different? If they are different then how so?
The trick with drunk-fights is that it is easy for the guy to just forget about it, like it never happened...since people often do forget that things have happened. You probably think things have changed because you expected him to make sure you are alright like he has always done but he has not done this. There is a good chance he does not see this high level of hurt that you feel even though he knows that you *are* hurt.
Try not to over-think or drive yourself crazy. There are always a few bumps along the way. Try to clear your head a little and gain a calm composure and attempt to talk to him again after one or two days if this problem continues to linger in your mind. While you will feel the need to express your feelings, he will be concerned with a method to solve this problem. Even though a solution is not your goal here, maybe the two of you can work out something during your discussion for when he does drink this much (maybe avoid each other) or perhaps cut back on drinking in general.
Good luck
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