A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello nice people of this site!I take drawing lessons weekly with a group of people. They are fun and I really enjoy it, but recently a new guy has joined the class and he's the problem. He doesn't talk to me, he doesn't talk to no one at all, he's a socially awkward guy; and believe me, I'm awkward too, but he's just too much; he's making me feel extremely uncomfortable.It would be ok if he was just awkward, but the problem is: he's forcing something I do not want.Every time the class ends I wave goodbye to everyone, but he stands up, wants to hold my hand and give me a kiss on the cheek (like he was one of my closest friends) and yesterday he just asked for my cellphone number.I don't even know his name, he doesn't know mine, he doesn't know anything about me, because he's never even bothered trying to get to know me. I don't feel good when people I'm not comfortable with get too close, and that's exactly what's he's doing. He's a stanger, I do not want him touching me.I know he's interested in me, but he's doing the opposite of what you should do to attract girls, he is totally scaring me and creeping me out, forcing a closure between us. Besides, I'm not interested at all, I have a boyfriend and I'm happy with him.I just want him to stop, but I don't know how. Should I ignore him? Should I bluntly tell him no? He has weird reactions and I'm scared of how he would react. I just want him to back off.I don't want to stop going to these classes, since I have nice friends there, I really enjoy my time there. I thought about talking to the teacher, but I don't know if I should. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (21 March 2013):
Dear OP,
I agree that you shouldn't be aggressive, but you need to be clear and specific(!!) and make sure that you say that you don't want this. If he still continues to approach you, you can tell your teacher or eventually sue him for sexual harassment. But if there's no clear statement from you.. well, then you basically encourage him to go on and try, because he' s stupid and can't read the "back off"-signs. He can tell himself this is some kind of game and he will win in the end.
"Don't touch me! Don't kiss me on the cheek! I don't like that. I have a boyfriend."
Don't say you're interested in him as a friend, please, he will always want to meet you as a friend and not back off sufficiently. You don't like him, not even as a friend. So, don't pretend there's a chance for friendship. If you don't want to say it like this, you can say that your boyfriend wouldn't like it if you two would meet as friends.
"No, I don't want to be friends with you outside of this class. No, I don't want to exchange phone numbers. (My boyfriend wouldn't like it and I want him to trust me.)"
Make sure you're not alone with him after class. It would be best if someone overheard your conversation with him as you tell him he should back off.
The idea to bring your boyfriend is also good!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 March 2013):
 Talk to your teacher.
It could be the guy is "just" trying to get to know you and really sucks at social skills and cues.
YOU DO NOT have to let him hold your hand and kiss your cheek. You just step around him and if he grabs your hand you tell him no. Be honest. Tell him you would appreciate him not touching you.
IT IS OK to tell someone no. Even if it makes a scene in the class room. Hopefully he will understand that you are NOT interested. If you keep letting him, maybe he thinks you find it "sweet" and he will keep doing it. Don't worry about hurt feelings, he will get over it.
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A
female
reader, sizzling1  +, writes (21 March 2013):
i agree with *manfox*..i think it would be a mistake to be aggressive with someone like this guy..
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 March 2013):
 women have this bad habit of not being direct or assertive. we are scared of hurting other people's feelings. but at the cost of what? because now, you're not enjoying yourself and your time in this class. so basically, by not saying or doing anything to stop this, you're allowing your happiness and enjoyment of this class to be sacrificed over sparing a complete strangers feelings.
you should speak up. tell him not to touch you. or if he reaches for your hand or your cheek, pull away and say no. if he's as socially awkward as it sounds like he is, he'll probably get freaked out and not come back to the class out of embarrassment.
good luck and be firm. there's nothing to be afraid of. being assertive is a good quality to have.
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A
male
reader, manfox  +, writes (21 March 2013):
There is only 1 thing you can do and just tell him he is making you feel uncomfortable after that just smile and say hello when you see him let's him know you only see him as a potential friend.
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