A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Going to try and keep things brief.There's a guy im talking to, we are long distance, he lives about 2 hours away. We originally met in person, we have been speaking for 3 months and have not met since but we are planning a visit sometime within the next few weeks.So, I know he's pretty private. He's quiet, likes to keep many things to himself. I get the off day where he will actually tell me something small about himself and I'd be thinking "wow, I actually got something out of him"...He has told me he hates asking too many questions to people, he doesn't like to pry into peoples lives and in general he just likes to keep himself to himself, and some days just likes to be left alone with his thoughts. He has told me he's slightly socially boring at times, he loves going out with friends etc and having a good time, but he does not believe in drinking, smoking or clubbing, which I don't mind.When we first started talking, things were great! We spoke all the time, every day, all day. We still do, but it has cut down a bit since then.He doesn't like phone calls, but I do so I have spoken to him about this and he has said he will call me or I can call him when I want to have a chat.Today, I just asked him what his Facebook is and if he had Twitter. Just a general question, he said he had it but didn't see the need to give it to me. He said he doesn't like it when people have all means of contacting him (Phone number, blackberry messenger, facebook and twitter). I have two of those, I have his number and his blackberry messenger pin. Now, I asked him what his twitter name was because I just thought I'd follow him, as you do. And he wasn't giving me his name, it didn't take me long to find him cause I just had to type his name in but when I saw some of his tweets it was just all about football and music, so he had nothing to hide but he was acting like he was hiding something. With Facebook, his page is private and he said "I don't really go on it so I don't see the point of adding you on there, you have my number and blackberry pin which is enough, that's the best way to contact me. Facebook and Twitter is not important" I still found this so weird. I know he's not hiding anything, because I barely go on my facebook too, so when he said he doesn't I didn't think much of it. And I've seen his twitter (although he doesn't know that I've found it) and he's not flirting with girls or doing anything he shouldn't be doing so why act so private and secret about it?I just can't seem to understand, it's only facebook and twitter, why wouldn't you add the girl that you like on a social media site? I asked some of my friends and they all said that's usually a sign that someone is hiding something, and I have experienced it with an ex, where he said he didn't have facebook and I found out he had a girlfriend whilst he was seeing me, so yeah it is difficult for me to just accept it.But I need to know if im also overreacting. I am 20 and he is 21, so we are young and nowadays everyone is all over these social media sites just conversing and sharing things with each other, all my friends have their boyfriends and girlfriends on facebook and twitter, so why is it the guy that is supposedly interested in just refusing to give it to me. It's not the end of the world if I had him on my facebook/twitter. It's normal.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 March 2013):
 IF you are the same person that posted about him not wanting to talk on the phone much I believe you have found my husband's long lost twin.
My husband has no facebook account. no twitter feed... very little online presence... he just prefers to live alone in his cave in the dark... and he did till we moved in together, now we live in the cave in the dark alone together...
I think OP that you two may just have very different ways of interacting with the world.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): I can understand to a certain degree about his facebook and twitter. I have people on blackberry messenger who I don't feel the need to add on facebook and as for twitter, I have one of those too, but I find it rather more boring and less socially active than either facebook or BBM, so I don't go on twitter too often.
I think you could give him the benefit of the doubt and just believe his reasons for this. As I always say, "time will reveal all", so if there's any secrets he has they will come out in time, they always do one way or another. If its meant to be it will be. My other bit of advice to you would be not to jump the gun here, of course if you're hoping to take things past the friendship stage with him its normal that you have feelings for him, but don't throw all your heart into this at this stage, keep some of your feelings back and don't build high expectations, that way you will be more disappointed rather than devastated if it doesn't work out for one reason or another.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 March 2013):
 i think you posted on here earlier. the post about how he hates talking on the phone.
whether this guy is just socially odd and hates normal human contact or he's shady and is talking to other girls is neither here nor there at this point, in my opinion. you don't seem to be getting what you need emotionally out of this relationship. he's not meeting your needs when it comes to dating. sure, you could keep getting on to him about it, but ultimately, i just think you need to let this guy go. you want more than what he's clearly capable of giving.
you're in no way wrong for wanting more. it's normal to want to talk on the phone or be friends on facebook. it's rather bizarre he won't do either of the two. like i said, i think you're best not analyzing his odd behavior and to just chalk it up to you two aren't meant to be. find a guy who's not so socially weird. good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also forgot to mention, I am an Extrovert whereas he is more of an Introvert. I love engaging with people socially, if I'm at home for too long I get very bored, he on the other hand is more private, keeps things to himself, and likes to be on his own, and cannot stand big crowds for too long.
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