A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am currently in college about 2 hours away from home, so I see my girlfriend once every couple weeks if I'm lucky. Since I have left she texts me continuously and tells me how much she misses me. I don't have a problem with that, but it seems thats all she talks about. She tells me I don't care because I only say I miss her when she does (she tells me she misses me everyday). I feel like her life has come to a stop since I left and just texts me all day since I'm not there and its hard when I'm busy 90% of the time and can't reply to her and she ends up thinking I'm ignoring her. I want the relationship to be like I was home, have conversations about our days and whatever comes up, not about how much she misses me. Is this wrong of me? How should I tell her what I'm thinking?
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male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (14 November 2010):
This is not wrong at all, but long distance relationships do suffer from "miscommunication." You want more meaningful conversations, but its hard for her to give you that when she's only thinking about how much she misses you.
I was actually in her position with one of my LDRs. Whenever I had the chance, I would tell her "I miss you" or "I love you" when really she was just wanting to talk about our day and try and keep things more simple and casual instead of all sappy. Finally, I told her she was right and started to change how we communicated.
This is in your shoes right now. You need to talk to her (in person, if you can) and tell her as much as you miss her and want to be with her:
A) You don't have the time to be continuously texting
B) You want your conversations to be more meaningful. Less lovey dovey pointless stuff about missing each other, and more just connecting on a friendship level (how was your day, what did you do today, random question about friends/family/etc, random funny thing on TV/internet)
Make sure you deliver this message in a way she can understand so she doesn't think that its because you don't miss her. Tell her it makes you feel further away from her the more she says she misses you and that it would make you feel so much closer to be able to talk about each others days/random funny stuff like you used to. Tell her it makes you feel more at home. She should understand that :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): your gf sounds dependant with serious separation anxiety. And no She will drive you away if she keeps up enough in her life to keep her busy. Hers is childish behaviour. Count up how many texts she sends you daily and weekly. Show her the statistics, she may be shocked. Point out that you want to do well at college. You have lectures and tutorials to attend. You have assignments to do. So you can only manage to deal with a limited number of texts from her daily. And that she could think about joining some community groups, or do some charity work to spend her time more productively. Next time you see her face to face, advise her that you do miss her, and you fully accept that she misses you very much. But you want to talk to her about what you have been doing and ask her what she has been doing. But that it feels suffocating to be told so many times that she misses you. That her to broken record messages on missing you are too much.
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A
female
reader, Mystery14 +, writes (14 November 2010):
Girls reallllyy love when guys are honest and just tell them things. TELL HER that you miss those normal days back at home. tell her, how you are busy 90% of the time. Just DON'T tell her that shes irritating or anything. that will make her upset, haha. good luck man.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (14 November 2010):
 Tell her that you are at school and you miss her terribly. Text her randomly and ask her how her day is or how it went. I'm sure she will be more than willing to share the details of her day with you. It does sound like she misses you alot. Have you told her that you are usually busy all day because of your classes and such and that's why you aren't texting her back? It's not because you are ignoring her, you just can't text her all day. Just tell her how you feel.
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