A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been having problems for sometime. I always feel like he's hiding me and maybe seeing other people. I always feel like he's lying to me about something. He definatley doesn't treat me right. He's told me he has fear of committment and he's trying to work on it and that he wants to treat me better. He said he knows no one else can treat him and love him as much as I do. He's going to therapy. I'm being treated for depression for all of this. We've been together for almost a year.I don't feel like I'll ever be able o trust him. A while ago I could some x rated pictures on his camera, not of me...he said that was before we were dating and swore he wasn't even friends with her anymore. This girl started harassing me through myspace and somehow got my phone number and started texting and calling me. He acted furious and very puzzled and still remains to this day like he doesn't know what that was all about. He said he talked to her and it did stop, but I feel violated.Anyhow, we've been going back and forth this last about staying together or not. But now I found out I'm pregnant. He knows. He said he doesn't want to have it, although he says so much he wants to be a dad. I do not want to have a baby with him. This isn't my perfect picture. But I don't think I can bring myself to terminating the pregnancy. He says he will be there for everything, and for everything I choose. I don't know what I should do, or if I choose to have the baby if I really want him there. If he's going to treat me right, but I don't see him really changing. Any advice?
View related questions:
myspace, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone who replied to my post. I appriciate the different prespectives, and am still trying to figure out what exactly I will do. But I feel my gut answer is coming, surely but slowly. I feel like I'm definatley NOT depending on him for anything: me, the baby, or a relationship. I am better than this. I'm not sure why I needed to hear this from complete strangers, but strangers, who have reached out to me...THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. I only hope I can someday return the favor.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): If you keep this baby, you will be bringing up this baby without him one way or another.
You can try to stick it out with him, but i think he will eventually do something too unforgivable and you will finally leave. Or you can leave him now, push him for child support, and probably not end up getting it without a fight.
The bottom line is that this guy is not sound like a good BF to you and he does not want to be a father.
So if you don't raise the child that leaves either putting him/her up for adoption or having abortion soon.
This is just my two cents, but I would definitely have an abortion if I was in your shoes.
Nobody likes the idea of terminating a pregnancy. The loss is an immediate & painful thing to go through, and it's not something that you just forget about. You'll remember it for years to come.
But it's not a question of whether you want to endure emotional loss or not.
You WILL endure some kind of major emotional loss one way or the other in the coming future because of this pregnancy. That is not avoidable. The only question is about which kind of loss you choose.
The loss of the fetus has to be weighed against the loss of your youth & choices in life, and the loss of the decent father/family situation that a baby would not get during his/her most formative early years.
...............................
A
female
reader, sweetheart03 +, writes (7 April 2008):
Well first you need to get out this relationship! Its not good and won't work! After only a year he's seeing a doctor for cheating?? Your not happy!! You can't trust him! I've been through it. I'm sure he's cheating! There's nothing you can do to change him. You can't help him. Get the book called don't call that man!! In the book store it will help you see how there is a life after him! If you want this baby just know he will always be apart of your life! And you need to work on you before you make this choice cause I would hate for you to have this baby and stay in the relationship unhappy! How can you love your baby if you don't love your self enough to do what's right and leave him!!! You can do better don't ever think you can't! I went through this for 4 years no baby thank god but I've been out the relationship 2 months I'm proud of myself and I'm so happy. I thought I would never leave him! But I found out he was cheating for the last time! I've heard it all he said everthing I wanted to hear but never did it. All broken promises! That's how you know he's no good! Your gut feeling is always right!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): heres some advice from a young guy, and just what I think.
If he doesn't want the baby, it means he's not sure if he wants to be with you. take that how you will. Having it or not is always your choice. Having the baby is a lot of responsibility for both of you. Know that your lives from then on out should come second to a baby.
If you get rid of it, that's physically and mentally going to be the hardest hit I am sure you will ever feel. And probably the most relief for the dad.
If you settle out your baby issue, throw honesty and trust out on the table. because it's my belief that 2 people in a relationship should not be going to other people or using drugs to help them out. a relationship that's meant to be means you can go to each other with problems.
That would be my perfect world, but i got my own problems too.
instead of using money on depression treatments and therapy, go on vacation, somewhere relaxing and see if your happy with what is happening and what will happen. never put things off, and SEE what will happen. The faster you shoot things down the less smoke and mirros will be between you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 April 2008):
 Hi,
If you want to have the baby, have it. Don't not have simply because you think he will be a bad father, you may regret it deeply later on. He at least as said he will help support you.
But he sounds very untrustworthy so you will most likely have to bring the baby up by yourself. Having the baby will not turn him into a new person.
Source out your support groups, parents ,relatives who you can rely on to help you , you may need them.
good luck.
...............................
|
