A
female
age
36-40,
*mpatientlywaiting
writes:Dear Cupid, I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and we have lived together for 4 of those years. We have been talking about marriage for the last 3 years (it was mostly me asking when we were going to get engaged). I boldly stated that two of my life goals are to get married and have children when we first started dating and because we weren't kids when we started dating, we had a serious conversation that resulted in my boyfriend agreeing with me and we left it at that for a couple of years.A few years ago I started expressing my desire to be engaged and his answers turned into lame excuses and now they are just flowing out of his mouth almost like he's got a list stored up ready to answer me with. His brother has been stringing his girlfriend along for 12 years now and they have a 7 year old together, they just got engaged on Christmas but he didn't even propose he just gave her a ring. I am aware that this has been his main influence in the relationship department for a good part of his life and that he might think that it's okay to do that to someone but we don't have any children together and the only commitment we have is a 1 year lease. I'm not okay with that. All of his friends and family are married, engaged or have children.Marriage doesn't matter him but he said that he would get married because I want to. He told me that to him, being engaged and marriage are the same thing. He thinks that as soon as we get engaged that I'll be asking for a wedding date but I have told him that because I'm in school, he's got a financial guarantee that we wouldn't be getting married until after I graduate and get a job in 6 years! I'm okay with being engaged for a long time because I have to finish school first, I just want some commitment after 5 years other than a 1 year rental lease.He compares us to all of the unhappy couples that we know that rushed into marriage because they had accident babies which I don't think is fair because we actually like each other. I have already tried the ultimatum strategy and he didn’t even flinch. I’m now in the middle of the decision to leave him when our lease is up in June but I hate the thought of starting over. At the same token, I hate the thought of wasting my time. I know that I’m still young but by the time I meet someone and get to know them well enough to want to marry them, and then actually get married, I’ll be well into my late 30’s, I don’t want to start having kids in my 40’s.I’m angry all the time about this. I don’t know what to do about it, we are in couples counseling and our counselor had said that it’s basically up to me to decide if I can wait for him to be “ready”. I think it’s crap and I’ve told him he needs to s*** or get off the pot. If he hasn’t figured out by now if I’m good enough for him, I’m not going to be. I don’t know what to do or think about this whole situation. I can’t help what I want and the feelings that I have. Should I stay or should I go? Please help me!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lija30 +, writes (11 January 2011):
 I say go....only commitment you are going to see is from a wedding ring which you should of gotten first then live with someone...
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