A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a bind and feel as though I am starting not to cope with things. I feel stupid writing this but the problem is I just want sex and my boyfriend doesn't. I can deal with that for a few days but beyond that it just makes me feel so down and low. I talk to my boyfriend and get all sorts of reasons as to why he doesn't want sex. Most of them sound like excuses. What talking doesn't get across is just how much hard I find this. He just doesn't seem to understand how I feel. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, violet835 +, writes (12 November 2008):
I hope you're still following this... I'm in the same position as you, I also get sad when after a few nights of sharing the same bed we haven't had sex. I have tried doing things for myself to get rid of the frustration, but it doesn't help much because what I want more than anything is for my boyfriend to want me. I'm not unattractive or overweight, and we've only been together for about 18 months, living together for about 5-6months. I know what you mean about the excuses, he'll say things like he wants to but he just always just goes straight to sleep. But some nights we lie there and he cuddles and massages me for over an hour and we talk... then he just goes to sleep. I know he loves me, and I also know he was the same with his last gf. He seems to love it when we do and be as into it as I am; I'm just at a loss.
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (13 August 2008):
 Okay, so you want sex and he doesnt.... you dont elaborate on what excuses he is using to avoid sex but I am sure that they are very valid to him. Rather focus on your relationship than on your sexual wants and needs.... maybe he feels pressurised into performing and thinks that he wont be good enough???? And if you are that frustrated, why not purchase a vibrator for your own personal use??
Honeygirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2008): Maybe there's a reason he hasn't told you about, and I can only guess what that might be because you haven't said what his reasons/excuses are. It could be anything from anxiety about his performance to being gay to having contracted AIDS.
I think you need to take the pressure off a bit and try to get to the root of the problem. Maybe he's embarrassed to talk about whatever it is, so you've got to lend a REALLY sympathetic ear.
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