A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Soon, it will be 10 months since my grandad passed away. On and off, for about a year before that, I started to document (in story form) as much of their relationship as my nan could remember - my grandad had a memory block, so he couldn't have told me anything and my nan has never got round to writing down our family tree, so this seemed like a great idea, with 50 years of marriage to go through. We were doing quite well but, ever since my grandad passed away, I've been kinda afraid to bring it up. As it's been so long, I don't even have the first set of notes any more. My mum wanted me to do it as well and said she'd do it if I found it difficult to ask, but she doesn't have time, so it could only be me.I guess I'm just wondering what to do because it's very important to us, and my nan liked the idea before (I haven't asked since because I don't want to potentially upset her), so I want to start it again and get as much information about it because my mum and I would regret not having it to look back on when my nan passes away. This is even more important to me because my nan can knit and sew and I've been asking for years if she could knit something that I could eventually pass down, but other family member's would dump their clothes on her if they needed adjusting, so she hasn't got round to that either. I just want something to be able to hold on to and read about their lives together when the inevitable happens (which hopefully won't be for a decade or more, but that's not realistic). So, like I said, I desperately want to start it again, but I don't know how to ask without potentially upsetting her as she relives the memories when telling me them :/ Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (26 January 2015):
 Many older people LOVE to talk about "the good old days"... IF your Nan is one of them, get your tape recorder out, on the table between you (two) and ask her to start reminiscing.... You can, both, direct the converstion (say, for example, asking about people, places and events) and question for details that may not be clear.... and, then, can transcribe your tape later. I'll be your relatives (Aunts, Uncles, siblings, cousins) will applaud you for doing this....
Good luck...
P.S. My Dad liked to talk about the "good old days".. but he was such a B/S-er that I had to edit out about 50% of what he said!!!!
P.P.S. I'd sell my soul if I could have just one more day to converse with him.....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the nice words. I need to know how to ask her in the most gentle way possible? :/
When we did it before, I was sitting with her allowing her to pick important events (first met, first date, etc.) and describe them while I wrote it down.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 January 2015):
 Okay, just let your Nan know that you still want to preserve their story, and that you need to start again.
Consider investing in a small recorder, you can get them now that all you need to do is plug it into your computer and it will transcribe to text for you.
Make sure if you are going to record your Nan's story that you do some research online about how to first get your subject (Nan) relaxed and how to ask open ended questions. It isn't necessary to be in chronological order, you can sort that out later.
Think of some good questions ....... maybe google Journal in a Jar for some suggestions of questions you could ask, and even if those questions don't seem appropriate they will jog your brain into thinking of questions you DO want to ask.
This system will also be good if you are going to write the answers down, and it simplifies things because Nan can answer as few or as many questions as she likes.
Get onto it pretty quick, too many of us are losing the stories that are important, not just to us as individuals but also our families and our communities.
Good luck with it, I hope it goes well!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2015): Just ask her for stories, My gran was widowed two years ago, she still has bad days over it, but for the most part she loves talking about my papa.
And instead of asking her to make you something, ask her to teach you and make it together, she'll love being able to teach you a new skill, and while you're knitting you can talk to her.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (26 January 2015):
That is really really sweet of you. Don't be afraid to ask your nan.. Just ask her to tell you the story again. You can't help the fact that she might get a little upset.
But here's the thing, she would really want to tell you the story, the memories that she created with her late husband. What you can do is sit there, and listen to her. Be there when she gets upset, hold her hand and stay with her. She needs your love and support. But i am sure, she also needs to talk about her love.
Take some time out and sit with her and let her tell her story at her pace :)
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