A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who I have known for approximately 5 years and every time we get together it's always a good time and we have a lot of laughs. We had drifted apart for about a year and it was mainly over her trying to talk to someone I was dating.. Also, whenever I wanted to meet up with her she's unavailable. I have spoke to her about this and forgiven her but she agreed to make more effort. I try all the time and it seems 95% of the time it's me making the effort to see her. She will answer me when I say what's up? But when I ask if I can meet up because I'm in the area... suddenly she stops answering and I get a reply 3hrs later when I've already left the area. I don't feel clingy at all like I no longer want to run after her friendship and at this point I feel annoyed with trying so hard. She now has an infant daughter and blames that as a reason as to why she's unavailable. When I don't entirely believe this because her mother will tell me she's at home doing nothing at home very often. She also goes out with other friends often too so i don't know how to address the situation...What should I do about this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2015): I have a friend that does this constantly. Like we haven't hung out in over a month because every time we would plan to hang out, she would either cancel, won't answer her text or calls, or doesn't notify me of what happens way after the fact. My friend too has a daughter that is 2 and she has a baby on the way. She also tends to hang out with her other friends as well, so I know that it's not me that is the issue. She won't know what she has until its gone. I know how you feel. You feel like you're loosing your friend and that she would rather do nothing or hang out with her other friend than you. What I am doing, which I would advise you to do this as well, is to find some new friends. Branch out and do things that you like to do. I know, its difficult to find new friends and there isn't a friend like the one you just described, but what else can you do?
A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours  +, writes (28 January 2015):
 I strictly live by a rule: I will not let myself be surrounded or weighed down by negativity. If there is a person in my life, with whom every interaction is hurtful, I remove them from my circle. She has betrayed your trust in the past and you are gracious for actively pursuing a friendship with her. But is it necessary and healthy?
I imagine she probably feels weird or awkward about it anyway - still guilty and unable to move past it, and skeptical about the fact that you glide over it. If you do wish to continue your friendship with her, and she always replies three hours after you text her, why not text her three hours before you go into town? Then when she replies, you will be there and then she will either have another excuse, or she won't.
~Sy
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (26 January 2015):
 I am having a quiet chuckle because you seem to think when your friend who has an infant child is at home 'doing nothing' that she is actually doing nothing.
Your friend is not going to get many chances to "do nothing' for the next 17 or so years, however, that does not address your question.
It could be that your friend is busy, having a toddler will make it difficult for her to just drop everything and meet up with you because you are in her area, she will need to be considering nap times and diaper changes, feeding routines and the logistics of getting to a meet up point with a toddler in tow, and all the paraphernalia that goes with the territory.
Acknowledge that things have changed now that she is a mother. Maybe suggest you meet at a child friendly venue for lunch or morning or afternoon tea, your treat. Zoos are usually good, or even a park with age appropriate play equipment, or if you are not too far, a sandy beach to build a sand castle, whether permitting.
If she still fobs you off you may need to accept that when you drifted apart she may have moved on, and that the friendship is more important to you than it is to her.
If that is the case then it will be better to just let it drop, and find some new friends to go out with.
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