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female
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anonymous
writes: I have met a great guy, we ended up spending the night together but didn't have sex. I told him I wasn't into one night stands. He said that was fine and he appreciated my honesty. I took his phone number - he didn't take mine. I asked if we would stay in touch, he said definitely. We share some of the same friends though. I sent him a text the day after and now nearly a day later I still haven't heard back. I really like him but I know he split with his last girl because she was too demanding on his time. Should I call him or just leave it? I don't want to be demanding.
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female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (12 September 2005):
 Honestly, sounds to me that he was in it for S.E.X. I know that sucks, since you kind of fell for him, but at least you didnt give it up to a man that would probably just call you for booty. However, as a women who has been in similar situations I know their is a part of you that needs to make sure he even got the text message. So here is what I would say. Wait an extra few days, then call him, dont text message. If he doesnt pick up leave a short message, so you have no doubts that he got your call. If he calls you take it slow and be cautious of this man, since he might be in it for one thing. If he doesnt call you back, then you know for sure he wasnt worth your time.
Dee =)
A
female
reader, PrincessPea +, writes (12 September 2005):
Hi there,
I must agree with Bev, this guy was probably looking for sex rather than love/friendship. Yes, you can keep thin theories such as 'he's away for a few days', he's been too busy to reply', 'he's got problems with his phone' or similar alive for a little while if you like. But at the end of the day - if he was reallly into you he would have taken your number that night he spend with you. Or at the very least replied to you as soon as you contacted him.
My opinion and advise to you and all girls is: show a man you are interested, have confidence in yourself and don't be afraid to flirt but never wast your time with running after someone who is simply not interested. If he does not call it is 9 out of 10 times simply becuase he just does not want to. Very rarely does people loose touch becuse of technical or other odd circumstances. Just turn the table and imagine yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if some guy you really didn't care for keept pestering you? I'd say very rarely would your respect for him increase.
Also, if you have mutual friends, be extra cautious as not to become obsessive. One text is fine but not more. That way you can hold your head high next time you might bump into one another.
By the way - if you do decide to try getting in touch with him one more time - call! By hearing his voice you will get a much better idea of how he feels about you calling! Text messages and email can be very misleading. In this case I would suggest 'easy going honesty' - just say you enjoyed the other night together and would like to meet up again. If he says yes, maybe you should do something outside the bedroom to eliminate him thinking you now are ready for sex.
I wish you all the best and respect you for saying no to sex on the first night. Stay strong!
Love, P.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (12 September 2005):
 I hate to be such a cynic, but from what you tell me, this guy was definitely looking for sex, and when he didn't get it, he figured there was no value in staying in touch with you.
Sure, he *said* he'd stay in touch, but his actions speak louder than words, don't you think?
I really don't think this is a matter of your being "too demanding" of his time; it's probably more a case of he's feeling miffed and/or disappointed because you didn't want to have sex with him. The fact that he didn't want to take your phone number pretty well shows that he didn't intend to follow up with you.
If you believe that I'm misreading your situation, that's OK. Maybe you can send him another, lightweight "hello-how-ya-doin" sort of text, just in case the first one went astray. If you still don't get a reply, I'd write him off. Some guys can be sweet and adorable, just to get you into bed, but their sweetness leaches away if sex doesn't happen. Fortunately, most guys aren't like that!
Hope this helps to enlighten you.
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