A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am deeply in love with my ex boyfriend who has dumped me because he couldn't decide whether he wanted a single life or a relationship so it caused a lot of fights.I havn't seen him for 2 months and he phones me about once a week which is nice but I'm not sure if it is actually helping matters though I can't cut him off or out of my life. The phone calls are just general and I have had no vibes from him that he was to give us another try which hurts me but when I speak to him try and sound all positive about my life to make him believe I am fine and happy without him in my life.A few nights ago I did a really stupid thing and text him to ask him if he wanted to be my fwb(so dumb), I had had a couple of drinks and didn't think too much about it, I just missed contact with him and was thinking about him.I quickly messaged the next morning and told him to ignore it as I didn't want to hear his answer anyway he did re-ply and said no because he said it would just lead back into a disaster relationship (at the time I was purely thinking of sex). Anyway I am dissapointed in myself for firstly texting him that stupid question and secondly it has really made me feel unnworthy and unattractive and not good enough especially for him. I have spoken to him since (he phoned) and had just the usual general chit chat.I really need some advice, I really want him back and just don't know how to go about it. I havn't felt this way before and feel really hurt. I really don't know how to get past this feeling, I am trying but just finding it hard and anytime I go down to the shops or anywhere I just feel like breaking down and crying.I would love to hear your advice as I am struggling and just have no idea how to cope.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): i totally undertsand where your at. my ex bf broke up with me because he didnt want to be in a relationship anymore. i was and still am in love with him and i thought he felt the same. we talked about marriage and everything. he continued to call me and text me ramdomly after the breakup and it would get my hopes up. this has been going on for months, mostly because i allowed him to toy around and see me whenever it suits him. its like they dont want to fully let us go. you have to take control and act happy, even though you might not be at that time, and act like you dont care..he might get scared of loosing you for good and come around..read the book why men marry bitches
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (6 June 2013):
 Change your number!
He should not be calling you, it's cruel and unsettling.
He may think he is doing you a favour but all he is doing is making you feel not good enough for him. He doesn't want to be with you...is it worth accepting the scraps of attention he gives you?
The 'being hooked' feeling is just your mind going over and over everything that's happened and trying to work out what went wrong. The facts are that he walked away and there is nothing you can do about that.
Put yourself first, cut the contact, heal and move on to happier times.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2013): I think your ex is being so unfair to you. Dumping you (for such a lame reason, basically cause he wants to see what else is out there) and then calling once a week? He probably calls cause he is lonely and wants to make sure you are still there, ya know, just in case. Then telling you he doesn't want to go back to that "disaster" of a relationship...no wonder you feel so bad. He's being awful to you and treating you like you are nothing. Showing you no respect and doing and saying whatever he wants to you. He is very insensitive. You should stop answering his calls. He's a jerk and him contacting you so frequently is playing with your emotions. That is the first step. Do not talk to him anymore. You broke up, it's done, tell him to move on and find someone platonic to shoot the shit with once a week. I think once you stop talking to him you will start feeling better and will find it easier to move on. This guy is jerking you around, I hate guys like that. Be strong, don't talk to him anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2013): I think I will have to, I need to get my head straight so I can just move on and be happy. I don't understand why I am so hooked on him and think abiut him constantly and it is just doing my head in. He has made it very clear so I guess that is good for me so I don't keep hoping for something and miss out on opportunitys to meet the right guy for me.. Thanks for your advice.
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A
male
reader, LAcreme  +, writes (5 June 2013):
 Your feeling towards him is normal, since this is someone u once loved. That said, its almost impossible to get ur mind of an ex if there's still contact. Most often time, d girl-folks get hit d most, cos they are most likely to be used and dump, especially in ur case where he has made it clear he doesn't want to get.
Getting over an ex, bt with continuous contact is as difficult as passing a needle thru d eye of a camel.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2013): "I really want him back and just don't know how to go about it."
You are asking the impossible. There is no way you can get him back unless he wants you back, which he has made abundantly clear he doesn't.
Given that you are unable to cope with this breakup on your own and that you threw yourself at your ex via text while drinking, I suggest you seek counseling.
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