A
female
age
30-35,
*ittleMuffet
writes:So I've been with my boyfriend for two years.He doesn't have a car or a license. So I drive him to and from work and everywhere else every day except on his days off. He pays for gas, most of it, and buys a few groceries since I stay with him at his house at his insistence. I've recently told him I'm sick of carting his butt around, it's holding me back from looking for work since if I got a job he wouldn't have anyone to bring him in, his parents won't. So, I tell him to save his money for things he needs, car, insurance, dental, future finances. I also push him to finish his high school, cause his dead-end job won't cut it if he plans to get out of his parents house which I know he really wants to do. Yesterday he told me he felt very pressured, which made this old question pop up in my head: Am I controlling? I know what I'm telling him is good for him, it's necessary to live a comfortable life, and since he says he wants to marry me I make it my business to strive for this comfortable life with him. But is what I am doing, telling him he needs to do school, work, car, savings, is it bad when it is most definitely good for him?His parents are welfare bums and aren't concerned with him at all, as long as he doesn't cost them money. So I feel as if I am fulfilling their role of pushing him to grow up and do these things. My parents pushed me to do my school, to get a job, ect. and he never got that. Let me know your thoughts on all of this!
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female
reader, CANDY61 +, writes (31 December 2012):
You are telling him the right things to do and on the other hand you cannot raise a grown kid and for the most part you are too young to be going thru this with a guy that a lot inmature than you, you gotta tell him everything, is this what you want for the future?
I you got married to this guy you'll be wearing the pants and he'll be wearing the skirt.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (31 December 2012):
 Doesn't sound to me like you're "controlling" .....
"sounds" like you're expecting him to grow up and become a real adult. What's the harm in that?????
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (31 December 2012):
 Do you two live together in his parents home? Because if you are and don't pay anything towards rent, you chauffeuring him around is a small price to pay. Considering he pays for majority of the gas. The only thing you're getting shafted on is, getting a job yourself (unless you found one that will work around his hours) and putting miles on your car.
Anyways, I don't believe you're being controlling but trying to instill some values on him. As long as you don't nag him about it daily. Ultimately, he's going to do what he wants. You continuing to drive him around is also a lot cheaper on his pocket money which can go towards other material items instead.
I'd move back to your parents home and tell him to buy a bus pass. You're his girlfriend, not his driver.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (31 December 2012):
 It's not that you're controlling - it's more a case that you can see what he needs to do to get some independence. You are lucky in the sense that you grew up with parental advice on how to achieve, whereas your BF has not had that same guidance. Give it some time, he might listen to you. But you can't push him into anything he doesn't want to do. You can only give advice, you can't give him orders - that would be controlling. And he may be quite happy with the way things are for him now. When you've had enough, and move on, he might look for some other girl to 'cart his butt around'.
Best wishes for the New Year xx
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