A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am 55 and been divorced for almost 10 years. 8 months ago I met the man I want to spend my life with. He is the same age. His wife died almost 5 years ago, and he has grown up children, as I have. We have become soul mates and really clicked from the first moment we met. Our time together has been wonderful and now I feel I want more commitment, but he wants to stay as we are. I dont want to lose him, but I really want to share my life completely with him. He says wait a few years. I feel we will be too old then, I cant see what his problem is. Can anyone advise?
View related questions:
divorce, soul mates, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2007): I think 8 months is not a long time at all. It sounds as if he is a really great "catch" and your worried someone else could step in the picture so the thought of getting married is the answer. Could I be right? (I understand you click and all believe me I do) Then you say your 55 like it's old...I'm not far behind you...and it's NOT old! Take your time with him and don't rush it! Enjoy every moment and never act like some desparte woman...even if you own your own home and have a wonderful career. I can relate in so many ways, but when you start pushing the idea of marriage and such...a man at any age will start to back off if he is indeed not ready for it. Let him surprise you..and it sounds like he WILL! Best of luck..and say a prayer for me too! :)
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (16 March 2007):
 Hi,
What is the rush? At this time of life, you are not in a hurry because you need to start a family, you are comfortable in your lifestyles, have enjoyed good health, careers and grown children. If he wants to wait, why are you pressing for a commitment? Are you afraid that by "waiting", he might change his mind and you could lose him? Are you insecure about the relationship? If you are just afraid that you might lose him, ask him why he wants to wait and perhaps the discussion will help you understand his issues. It has only been eight months, so it really is early days for your relationship. Planning a larger commitment at this stage of life also means joining assets and future pensions, dealing with grown children and estate planning as well, it gets more complicated. If you need a sign that he is wants to share his future with you, perhaps a long engagement would help. But I would tread very gently here - his wife may have died 5 years ago - but he may want more time to get to know where you are headed together. I really recommend not pushing it and letting him get comfortable enough to start making plans that include you at his own pace. In this day and age, most people are living well into their seventies, so you should still have plenty of time together, from my lips to God's ears. I don't know if this has helped or not, I wish you both Luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): Being together for 8 months isn't long and maybe he's worried that once you both start married life the relationship will fall apart. Wait a few more years (like he said) before going up the aisle with him. And by the way you won't be too old then, some people get married in their 90s and some even older. Also if your relationship falls apart because of reasons other than when to get married then you'll be glad that you didn't get married as you would have to settle and divorce settlement. Imagine having a divorce months after marrying...
...............................
|
