A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months and we moved in together last month. He has been keeping contact with his ex's parents. (He was with her for 4 years). They want the two of them to get back together and since he and I have been together, have invited him over for dinner for his birthday, out for drinks and invited themselves over to BBQ. He also talks to them fairly regularly on the phone. I have not been invited to attend (although I wouldn't if I was). He has turned down the offers but only after he has asked if it would bother me if he went. He has asked if I would care if the parents came over to our new house to BBQ. I said yes I would care, especially since these people are still trying to get them back together. I told him it would be uncomfortable and his ex's parents have no reason to be at our house. Well a couple of weeks ago, I came home and the mom was there. He told her to stop by cause she needed to pick something up. She proceeded to stand out on the porch and tell him how great her daughter was looking since she's been exercising. I told him I was upset that she had been there since I told him it was inappropriate. He said sorry and that he didn't realize it would bother me. Well last night, he tells me that the ex's dad is going to stop by to pick up a dvd he wants to watch. I am irritated. I feel like he has no respect for my feelings since I have told him several times now that it would bother me to have his ex's parents at our house and yet he has invited them over anyway. He thinks there is nothing wrong with this. He says he doesn't want to cut ties and I told him he doesn't, just don't have them over. The parents don't have the best of morals either. (the dad cheats on the mom and had even tried to get my boyfriend to cheat on his own daughter when they were together so my boyfriend couldn't tell on the dad for cheating). I don't know what to do? Is the contact he is having with them appropriate? Do I have a right to be mad. My sister and her husband feel it is inappropriate and that he is hanging on to her. He says he's not although he has left a pool table, recliner and exercise equipment at their house for them to continue using. (Oh yeah, the ex still lives with the parents). What should I do?
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (16 March 2007):
 The fact that you and your boyfriend have decided to move in together is enough to let you see he's made a commitment to you so he needs to move on and when we move on, we leave our past behind! If he wants to keep his inlaws as aquaintences then fine but that doesn't include them coming into your house. They'll no doubt go back to the daughter (well the mother will anyway) and give her a run down of your house from top to bottom!
Tell him, them coming into your home is an invasion on your privacy. Ask him how he would feel if your ex boyfriend's parents came over to his house! I'm sure that will help to see how you feel. I would also suggest to him (don't TELL him... suggest) that he goes over and collects the rest of his things from their house and asks them when would be convenient. That way he has no ties left there.
Eve
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (16 March 2007):
 Hi,
Oh YES, you have every right to be mad. You have to put your foot down, this is so inappropriate. There is absolutely no reason to still be involved with these people. Does your boyfriend consider them parents? Does he have parents of his own? Are they far away and he is using them as some kind of substitute? Even if he can't break the emotional ties that he has to these people, he is no longer responsible for his ex, and therefore he should not be talking with them constantly (especially about her!). Do you have family near by? Maybe you can help nurse him away from this weird umbilical cord relationship by getting him more involved in your life together, namely his family AND your family. Have some events and family BBQ's of your own making. The next time wants to talk films or borrow something, try directing him to someone else who shares that interest in your own circle of friends. Get him to once-and-for-all REMOVE ever last possession from his ex's house, so that there are no longer any excuses for him to be in touch with these strange people. I don't know why your boyfriend doesn't want to cut ties with them, but the fact that they are insinuating themselves into your lives constantly and that it bothers you should be reason enough for him let them go once and for all. I wouldn't be pleased if my husband was hanging around with a man who cheats on his wife and encourages others to do the same (on his daughter???). I think you have every reason to be very, very mad. Good Luck.
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