A
male
age
41-50,
*anitysoul28
writes:I'm in the process of making changes in my life and I need help figuring out how to have the types of relationships that I want but have missed out on. I don't have any friends I can talk to about this and I can't afford therapy.I am a 29 year old man. Here is the extent of my experience with women: 3 long distance (mostly) online relationships (in 2001, 2002 and from 2003-2006), 2 other dates (both in March 2003). Two sex partners, which were two of the three online girlfriends. I've been celibate for six years (meaning no non-platonic contact whatsoever). Never had a one night stand. I live alone in an apartment, I work at a local pharmacy and play music in two local bands. I'm very self-sufficient. There are never any available women in my social circle, people my age are starting to settle down and move on with their lives together and I feel lost in the shuffle. I have no idea where to begin and my fear is that there is no place to begin, that I simply missed out on that part of being young and will never know the kind of intimacy that I'm tired of not having.
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celibate, long distance, move on, my ex, one night stand Reply to this Question
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male
reader, honestman  +, writes (18 February 2012):
You might be looking in the wrong places for woman.Why don't you go the the library, to an art club, learn a new language, yoga, salsa, or any other activity that help you meet woman ?I met my current girlfriend (5 years together) while studying at college. I have all the intimacy I want.You need to find out the right woman for you. It should be a woman that likes you how you are, and that accepts your economical status. These two things are generally deal breakers. At least for me.My girlfriend is economically troubled, and I don't care. She accepts me how I am, even with my flaws, and I also accept her even with her flaws. Really, it doesn't matter how unattractive you look [Trust me, I'm very unattractive], the right girl will accept you how you are. She will be able to see your real value.I'm not making this out, me and my girlfriend are a proof of that.Just don't loose your hope, and THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.It is madness to think that making the same things over and over will get you different results.
A
male
reader, sanitysoul28 +, writes (4 February 2012):
sanitysoul28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCodeWarrior: I am DEFINITELY in a target poor environment and have been for some time. I have no available women in my social circle and that circle hasn't changed much over the years. I'm trying to find better work, as the work I do have is hopefully just a stopgap. Most of the women at my shows are middle aged and are 80s hair metal diehards. My younger brother is getting ready to settle down with his girlfriend after many relationships. I just don't know what I like and don't like, what kind of relationship works for me, or anything remotely close. I have no experience to draw from and the fear is I'm too old, that if I haven't figured out the basics by now, game over, this is a fast paced world, people don't seem to have time or patience for those who aren't with the program. Because I'm human I don't WANT to just give up. I'm up here in freezing new england, I want to just get in shape and move someplace warm.
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A
male
reader, sanitysoul28 +, writes (4 February 2012):
sanitysoul28 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHeh, I know I probably have a skewed view of what young is, seeing others my age having already moved on to other life stages and thinking that means they're 'older' somehow. I know it seems crazy, but as a musician who plays out, I don't have any 'groupies' that I'm aware of. I'm the youngest in my bands by at least 10 years (everyone who plays out around here is middle aged and trying to revive their classic rock glory). Granted I'm not a musician just for that or anything, but I don't feel very physically attractive and maybe that comes across whether I'm on a stage or I'm ordering a coffee.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): I would rule out solely online or long distance relationships - the chances of them going anywhere is minimal. If you don't find you meet single people then try a dating agency, online or other, but make a point of seeing people who are relatively local who you can meet up with and build a normal relationship with, even if it's just for 'friendship' in the first instance. There are a lot of people out there in the same spot as you, they just don't come across available people - so give it ago.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 February 2012):
 You're 26-29 years old? Dude! You're STILL YOUNG! And your problem isn't that you can't have someone in your life, it's where and what you've been looking for up 'til now!
You've been going for long distance and online girlfriends. Sure, it's easy on the fantasy, and it gives the illusion of intimacy, but you're feeling hollow from those experiences, and rightly so!
Did you say you were in two local bands?? Usually, band members are the ones attracting girls right and left! Surely from your groupies or regulars that go to places you play at there's one or two that catch your eye!
Your real issue is self-confidence. It's easy to strike up some relationship online, but do you have the guts to do it in person, face to face, where you actually have to look at possible rejection in the face?
Also, you may not know anyone in your existing social circle, but if you have any platonic female friends or wives of male friends, ask if they know anyone you'd be interested in! Matchmaking is fun!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2012): Join an online dating site. There's tons of people near you that are looking, and by joining a dating site you (typically) find people who are looking for the same thing that you are; a relationship. Joining a dating site is good also if you're not too out-going. It's not like a bar where you have to actually approach the girl and start a conversation, with only a 50/50 chance that she will like you. You can just send a message and if she doesn't respond, oh well, on to the next. Then once you do start seeing a woman regularly, be honest about your dating past and go from there.
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