A
female
age
30-35,
*atiebline
writes:Hi its abit long but Basically I really liked a guy who's in the army we used to speak everyday and always kept in touch and got on really well we could talk about everything. He asked to take me out 2years ago and went on a date, I dint sleep with him because I dint want him to use me just for that since then we always used to meet up. He used to ask me if Iv been meeting other lads, always took interest in my life and his friends knew about me etc. The thing is he said to me last year before he went to afghan he can't be with me because of his job (which I do understand), he told me I see what it does to the other lads that have girlfriends and I don't want that but when I finish afghan I'm leaving and we'll see how it goes... I thought that's fair enough, He went to afghan 8month ago and the night before he went he nagged me to go see him so I went to his house (I dint sleep with him) we had a nice night was allover eachother the next day I went downstairs he was layed on the couch I said I'm going take care, he said bye but wouldn't look at me, he put on facebook an hour later them goodbyes were so hard obviously means his mum but not sure he was meaning me to. I messaged him once while he was there just to say happy new year and wanted him to know I was still thinking of him, he replied happy new year, I didnt get in touch again I know he's got to be 100% focused on his job and he was going out there to war and the last thing he needs is to be thinking about a girl back home! He came back and got in touch with me the same day he got his fone back. I was soo happy we spoke nearly everyday and he text me and told me he was signing of (I think they give a years notice) which he said he was going to do. I asked him to meet me I was having a few people round at mine so he came with his friend but I was really quiet all night his friend said he was to because he liked me. Everyone ended up going home and he text me saying what's up with you come to mine I'll pay you a taxi. so I did. While I was there he asked if I'd been meeting anyone else I said if you wanted me to wait for you you should have said he told me I don't want u to wait for me,I was really drunk and ended up telling him how much I like him, he seemed shocked and he said I do too your a nice looking lass what do you see in me? He also said the same thing that his job is the reason he can't be with me he seemed genuinely upset and give me a cuddle we ended up sleeping together.After that I went home I din't want to have feelings for someone who is emotionally unavailable, I saw him the week after in the pub,he ignored me I was so annoyed!!! His mates were speaking to me and he seemed abit jealous and told his mate to come back over to him. I was so mad at the end of the night I ended up getting a taxi with his friend to his house (I was realy drunk and pissed off I know I did it to try and get at him. Imature but I did!). The next day he asked his friend if he slept with me and he said no.He was really moody with me for a few week after I got really pissed off and deleted him of facebook. I know he was upset that I did this.Iv seen him quite a few times since and hasn't spoke to me, when I look at him he stares at me all the time I really can't tell what he's thinking . He's asked his friends about me and one time I drove past him he was smilling ,he's also turned up at my work outside a few times which he's never done before. I asked a mutual friend to see how he feels and he went mad, his messages have been angry, I know he's upset and I think that means he still cares.. I think about him constantly, I don't no what to do I think he's trying to show he doesn't care. He's one of these guys who doesn't like to admit his feelings I think he's trying to get over me but I just want to speak to him and he won't. I don't know if he'll ever get in touch but I don't want to show myself up and get in touch to. I just want some advice on what he's thinking and what I should do to make him miss me and will he ever fogive me for what iv done.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (22 September 2012):
 Hi
If he didnt want a girl back home when he was away then he probably wanted to play the field. He has no doubt witnessed his army mates cheating on wives or girlfriends so didnt want to be tied down.He will also have seen others missing their partners and wondering what they are up to.
The fact you went off with his mate,even though nothing happened, which he probably doesn't believe, has upset him.It may have been the game you played that annoyed him,picking on one of his mates was a bad move by you.
If he liked you enough from the start he would have had a relationship, been loyal no matter what,thats how any man whos interested behaves.All he did was tell you why he did NOT want one, then you going off with his mate just made him look stupid in front of them all.
I would give up on him,stop watching him,talking to mutual friends about him, its not going anywhere just now.Get on with your life and if he DOES ever change his mind he will just have to be brave and come tell you.
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (22 September 2012):
 I'm not really convinced by his story. I get that he didn't want to put you two through the deployment, but why when he got back was he still unavailable, esp. wasn't he just getting out of the military? there's no rule that you can't date in the military, so I don't really get why he's holding back..I would probably talk to him face to face instead of middlemen or social networks. see if you can patch things up but if you didn't sleep with this other guy you don't have THAT much to be apologetic for, he's being overprotective of someone he won't commit to..
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