A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok. So when I was about 13, I met a guy. I thought he was around my age...but as it turned out he was 22. So, I didn't think of him in that fashion. BUT he was still a cool guy, so I continued to hang out with him. He quickly became the best friend I had ever had, and I thought I viewed him as a big brother. As the years passed, I noticed a similar pattern with the guys I've gotten crushes on...they all had some similar attributes (whether it be positive or negative) as the guy. This also explained why it seemed I only liked one particular thing about each crush. I eventually realized I had done the worst thing imaginable: fallen for the older guy. So, I began mentally beating myself up for it, as unhealthy as that is. After all, I'm just a stupid teenage girl. With stupid teenage hormones that will go away because I'm a stupid teenage. I even began seriously denying all the facts that I liked him. I blamed it on being a teenager when I did slightly feel something. Now I'm 17, and the feelings have never went away. They've only grown stronger as the guy and my friendship grew stronger. For the past few years, he's been treating me differently. Paying more attention, getting HIGHLY protective. He acts goofier and tends to grin a lot more. Calls me beautiful and makes sure to compliment everything I do.But, I dismissed it. He thought of me as nothing more than a little sis, after all, how could a guy like him like ME? Either which way, I had recently gained some information from one of his longest friends. That the whole time I had been beating myself up over liking HIM....He had been doing the same with me. All of these years...I have been a complete idiot. But, my happiness was soon replaced with intense stress and worry as his friend told me more. You see, by this time, he had gotten a girlfriend. Apparently, he had gotten her because A: He didn't know I liked him, no matter HOW damn obvious it was, and B: Because he was afraid he'd be alone. This girlfriend has been treating him rather badly, from what I gather. He's been dragged away from his closest friends (even his friend that told me that he liked me). He's not allowed to dress in his normal Elegant Gothic clothes...instead, he's only allowed to wear what his girlfriend tells him to. PLUS, she didn't allow him to go the festival he goes to EVERY YEAR TO HANG OUT WITH HIS FRIENDS. The guy has always liked to check up on me every week or so to see how I was doing (which should have been another hint to my idiotic self that he perhaps liked me), and recently his girlfriend has started to read our conversations over her shoulder. Whenever she does, the guy makes sure to talk about her a LOT. I know she goes when he stops talking about her and turns back to me. She want him to move to in with her...which is pretty far away. He doesn't want to go, from what I hear. But, I doubt his girlfriend will take no for an answer. WHAT DO I DO?! I learned all of this in a VERY short time, and for awhile I kind of snapped out of guilt, worry, and pain. I want him to realize how bad his current relationship is, if nothing else. I don't care if I get to be with him (as much as I would LOVE it), I just want him happy, and in a happy relationship. And if he's really that concerned about being alone...I want him to realize I've always been here for him without actually telling him that I like him. I just want him to know...please help. What do I do?
View related questions:
best friend, crush, goth Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, (I haven't been on in awhile) Thank you all for your answers! ^^ I appreciate them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLet me clarify a few more things. The guy also hadn't started liking me until I was about 15( When he started treating me differently). Also, he had been beating himself up for liking me BECAUSE I was so young. I'm guessing this is why sometimes when I would joke around about him being such a creeper for hanging out with me, he would kind of look like he just punched himself in the face a few times (This teasing was BEFORE I knew he liked me, of course. I'm not THAT cruel). So, it's not as if he's just some creeper who thought that having a a crush on a teenage girl was a cause of celebration. He felt TERRIBLE about it the whole time.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (31 May 2012):
 When you write: "I want him to realize how bad his current relationship is, if nothing else."... then you must admit that you are seeking validation for dabbling in HIS life...
Dabbling in other peoples' lives is rarely - if ever - useful or beneficial.... Let him find out on his own...and live with the results...
Good luck...
...............................
A
female
reader, G's_Girl  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 Hi Anonymous,It is wonderful that despite your having feelings for your guy for so long, and knowing that he now has a controlling girlfriend, you still want what is best for him. You just want him to be happy, even if it isn't with you. That is very unselfish and mature of you. How about arranging a time where you can have a heart to heart with him. Now that you know through the mutual friend that he too has had feelings for you all along, how about letting him know that you are aware of this, and how you have felt all along? That you thought it was a teenage crush, that you didn't realise he could and would feel the same, that you dismissed it, but that it's never gone away, on the contrary your feelings have grown and matured and that you are still crazy about him? The things you have said about his girlfriend isn't that bad: him being away from his friends is indicative of being in a new relationship. Everyone gives their new love priority until they settle into the relationship and realise there is life out there besides their bubble ;-)Secondly, her helping him with what he dresses, or suggesting other things is also not that bad, a bit controlling perhaps, but still his choice to accept or not. Not going to a festival - you heard via the friend, but perhaps he chose not to go now that he has a girfriend? You would need confirmation from him that he is unhappy and miserable - everything else is just hearsay from the friend, possibly for you to not feel so bad that he has someone now.So play open cards - before she convinces him to move away and live with her, let him know everything above. How you have always felt, what you have heard he feels, and let him confirm if he has felt that way, and how he feels now? He will have this last opportunity, before anybody gets hurt. If he has and still feels that way about you, he has a choice to make. If he says he is in love with her now, then you have your answer and can leave him to his choices. Wish him happiness, and pursue a future without him. Don't allow your friendship after that to cross any lines, including him talking privately to you without her knowledge. However, for your happiness, I hope when he realises how you feel, that he feels the same and becomes yours. Being with someone to avoid being alone is also wrong, so it's best he releases that girl to find someone that truly loves her. I wish you happiness, hopefully with him :)Best Wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 Nothing. You can say all you want, and have all the mind trips you want, but the fact remains that you can't be sure his r/ship is unhappy, and that if it is, it's none of your business. He is an ADULT ( albeit an immature adult that gets crushes on teenagers and encourages THEIR crushes, while enjoying the benefits of an adult relationship ). He knows what he does and what he wants, although you don't think so. His girlfriend can't MAKE him move, and can't physically restrain him from attending festivals. She may have pressured, or insisted... but ultimately, the choice was and is his , if he really would care more about festivals than about pleasing his gf, he'd GO; he'd dump her, if they can't compromise. He would NOT move in, if he is not ready. And if he does move with her, it means that , at the end of the day, he has decided that the pros are more than the cons.
You may say that he is a weak guy, easily influenceable etc.... quite possible , then this is HIS problem, not yours. It's not something you have to take upon yourself to fix, he is not your pupil or child. He is a grown up man, ( and one who used to have inappropriate feelings for a 13 y.o., which to me it's absolutely creepy, but , fair enough, we can't process people for their intentions, until they don't act upon them ).
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2012): What you should do is stay away from him and don't get involved with him.Any guy who is only with someone because he's afraid to be alone, is not a trustworthy person. And he has proven this point. His gf may treat him badly, but you can also see it as he is just using her too, he is only staying with her for his own security because he's afraid to be alone and not because he actually likes her. he continues to "pretend" to her that he is committed to her, that's almost as low as how she treats him. I don't think very highly of him because of the way he's being dishonest. If he's SO UNHAPPY in his relationship then fine he should grow a spine and leave the girlfriend already. But he doesn't. Because he's afraid to be alone. This is so weak. and weak people are untrustworthy because they act only according to their immediate comfort, which means they will yank other people around if that's what it takes like he's doing to you AND to his (mean) girlfriend.and if he has so little self-respect that he will let this girlfriend treat him so badly, all because he would rather be treated badly than be alone?? This guy is NOT an emotionally healthy person. Getting involved with people who are messed up, is going to mess you up too. and besides, what kind of 22 year old guy would have become "best friends" with a 13 year old girl? (this is the same guy right?) That's just creepy. It's one thing if you met and fell in love when you are 40 and he is 49 - then there's no difference and you're equal peers. But there's a HUGE difference between 13 and 22 even though technically it's still 9 years apart (my parents are 9 years apart by the way). clearly this guy has some issues.don't waste your time on this guy.
...............................
|
