A
female
age
36-40,
*irstylou
writes:Hi im not really gd at explaining myself but il try. This guy who i completely think the world of has gone all distant on me. we clicked str8 away.. we met up for about 6 months..we got intimate..we were so close now its changed. He says he hasnt got the time or the head for a girlfriend at the mo. deep down i want more but i want to be friends with him rather than nothing.. thing is he's not talking to me. I really dont know what im doing wrong. i asked him could we still be friends he sed yeah il text you later, im in work. well he did and he explained that he had no time for gf but want to be mates so i txt him back sayin hiya i know u dont want agf i just wasnt too sure if u wanted to meet up as friends anymore thats all.. hows work etc? and he never replied :( iv texted him again askin how he is ..but he's ignoring me. Its making me feel as if im the bad person and that im doing something wrong but in myself all im trying to be is nice and keep in contact. My mother and friends r tellin me im not doing anything wrong, its him..and theyr tellin me to leave him there as im gettin upset all the time and its making me ill..im depressed from it :( but im finding it hard coping with his silence, i want him in my life, i couldnt bare it if i never heard from him again. im not sure what to do anymore. could u please give me some advice.x
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): You have nothing to be embarrassed about, everyone has been where you are, and if they haven't yet then they will one day. I think what you need to do is get your head around the idea that you are not always responsible for how someone else behaves.
I can't really speak for your ex-boyfriend but it would seem that you have fallen for him more than he had you. When people split up, they often say they want to continue being friends, but it's meant as a "no hard feelings" than actually to try and work at a friendship. Turning a relationship in to a friendship is very difficult, as there is almost always one person who has more feelings for the other.
You don't see it right now, but your ex is probably doing you a favour by ignoring your texts, and I think you will see that further down the line. By continuing your friendship with him, it will only mess with your head more, because you obviously want more than friendship from him and anything less will mean a lot of pain for you and it will happen over and over again until you're the one to decide to stop seeing him.
Relationship breakups, especially when we are young, are meant to be painful. It shows we felt something special for them and there is nothing wrong or unnatural about that. They are meant to feel like the world as we know it is over, and that horrible lonely feeling of being isolated is going to last forever. It is always a time when we think we are worthless and feel absolutely crap. But it's not forever, things will get better. You will get over this guy, and you will feel a million times better afterwards.
You are not a bad person and you have done nothing wrong, try not to take the blame for his own decisions and choices.
ith intimacy, relationships.. love, these unfortunate heartaches do happen... but we do get over them and become ready to fall for someone else when we're ready. If we didn't, none of us would ever have a relationship again.
A
female
reader, kirstylou +, writes (9 May 2008):
kirstylou is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for ur replies,u know where uv all said about not texting.. well i do that but i still dont hear from him. Im afraid iv ruined our friendhsip. im blaming myself all the time..but people keep saying i havnt. I dont know what to beleive anymore. i text him last night just sayin hey hows u, u been up to much? and he didnt reply to that either.. so i must have done something, and its breaking my heart :(
im even going to see a dr cause im that bad. i feel really embarrassed in the way im acting, but i cant help it. Im in such a mess.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): Hiya,
i no exactly how you feel, im in the exact same position. A guy i have been with and got intimate is now ignoring me. I would rather be friends with him than nothing at all. I text him telling him how i felt and he said we needed to meet up to sort things out and guess what i never got a reply again. So i did that exact thing stopped texting him, im gonna let him run after me for once. We have to stay strong and show them we dont need them, after that you may well get a reply :) as they get worried then.
Good luck! x
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A
female
reader, Miss Janine +, writes (8 May 2008):
Aaww sweetie! Im going through a simular thing except i was in a relationship with the bloke and for 2 and a half years... anyhooo wot peoples tell me is that we should keep strong and not text... after all a man only wants what he cant have. I know I know I should really listen to ma own advice hehe! x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): Try this to see what his intentions with you were: Text him & say "I feel really embarassed about doing this, I understand you don't want a girlfriend & that's fine. But, I miss having sex with you and was wondering if you would meet up for some no-strings attatched sex?" I bet he will reply within minutes. Keep us updated.
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