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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: please help. i was dating this guy for 5 months and we just recently broke up. i was really into him even tho our relationship was horrible. some things he said were almost unforgiveable but i still feel the need to try and get him back. an urgent need. when we were together, he would always tell me i didnt look good enough. that my hips were too big. my boobs werent big enough (even tho im a 34C) that my stomach wasnt flat enough. that my legs were short. that i wasnt tan enough. i never had a problem with my body until he started saying these things and i went into a period of semi anorexia. i didnt eat for 6 days straight and ended up in the hospital. that was enough to scare me back into reality. i knew my body wasnt terrible. i didnt know what to think. i was ashamed that i let him manipulate me.3 months before we got together, i was forced to have sex with a guy at a party. it was horrible and i had kept it to myself until my bf tried to get me to have sex with him and i said no. he started screaming at me and telling me i was worthless and good for nothing if i wont even have sex with him. i broke down and started crying and shaking and he told me to stop crying. i stood up, and said "I WAS RAPED OK! YOURE DISGUSTING! TAKE ME HOME!" he just grabbed me and held me close and started apologizing and kissing my forehead and telling me it was ok and that he would keep me safe. i cried for a good 3 hours and he held me and talked to me the whole time. this made me feel so safe and i overlooked his bad behavior. 2 months after that, we had sex. he was gentle, talked to me the whole time, stopped when i started to cry and jus held me and snuggled with me and said "its ok. we dont have to right now. calm down". everything was perfect after that. we didnt even try to have sex, even tho he mentioned it a lot.a month after attempting, he started to become increasingly aggressive. i live near the guy that raped me and see him on occassion. one time, i was with my boyfriend, and stopped dead in my tracks and said "thats him" and kept trying not to cry. my bf started to make fun of me saying "go say hi. hes smiling at u. dnt be rude. say hi" and laughing. i started to cry and ran away from him and made him take me home. his patience ran out after a while and he said "this guy is ruining our relationship. ur being a baby about it now. get over it. seriously that shit happens all the time and not every girl jus breaks down like you. its jus sex. youre not dead". this hurt me a lot and he again apologized but insincerely.we broke up 2 weeks ago bc and he never gave a real reason. he says he has to work a lot. and thats why. but even after all these horrible things he said. i still want him back. i miss him like crazy. what do i do? i want to get over being raped so badly! i fear it will ruin all of my relationships! is this what ruined me and him do u think? please help :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the answers everyone. i rly appreciate it. my ex is now calling me for absolutely no reason. jus to ask me dumb questions like What are u doing this weekend? i suppose jus to see if i will still answer him. but i think ive moved on... im not sure but ive thought about it and i dnt want to have to worry about my relationship all the time. i want someone to love me & i fear that if i take him back i will end up going through the same things again and i cannot physically or emotionally take it. i dnt think i will take him back. i dnt see how it will help me in the long run. thanks again!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): hi,sorry to hear that there are guys like that out there.Think more of yourself, you deserve far better.I'm a guy and it sickens me to think that men like that exist.And not just the guy who forced you to have sex, your ex bf sounds a real piece of work.Sounds like if you stayed with him he would only make you feel worse rather than happy..And we are only on this planet to be happy.. Go find yourself a nice caring guy as they do exist as i'm one of them.He treated you badly and by the sounds of things very badly, your self confidence has hit a low.It will come back, just takes time, but it wont come back if your with this guy..Sorry not what you want to hear, everyone deserves to be loved and respected...Take care..
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A
female
reader, fairytail  +, writes (12 November 2009):
 You need to get into therapy as soon as possible. He sounds like he has some issues you dont need that. HIs emotional abuse is abrasive. He may even be bipolar you dont need that. good luck and remember you deserve better than that get help soon.... :)
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A
female
reader, Mis.Natalie +, writes (12 November 2009):
 Ooow wow Honey what a story you got there I fill sorry for what your going threw! I to was Raped but I didn’t let that get to me ! And I honestly think that you just need some one by you and you don’t even care if he treats you bad as long as some one is there for you. I totally understand. But My darling don’t let the one good time he was there for you make you want to stay with him because honest to God the number one thing when a guy is looking for some one on you he blames it on his work or that he has to put he’s head together because he’s confused . That is so sad that he made you go threw all off that ! AND Well of course you want him just for the thought that you want what is not there any more. I was once there in your shoes believe me Its very depressing to the point where you fell alone when there’s thousands of people around you! I advise you to just calm down that everything well be ok that Only because you where raped doesn’t defy who you are . I know the bad memories well always be there but The good ones well eventually make those memories into ashes! Don’t let no one tell you that your not good enough because there just mad that your to much for them and cant handle a little bit of everything .Your mister Romeo is out there Trust me don’t waist your precious time On some one that’s not even worth it. Honey you can Do better. Please give me an Update on this situation I really want to know more! don’t be afraid of what a tomorrow with out him can do be afraid of what a life time with him well offer! Crying ? Betting your self down making you worthless! And maybe to the point of hitting you oooh no baby girl you don’t need none of that bs! - Love - natalie
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): So so sorry sweetie. This guy sounds like he does not at all understand what you are going through and is only there for sex(even though he may be acting like he is there for you, he is not) He is not the right sex partner if he is getting agressive with you. He should understand that you need some time to get over the rape. I would say stay away from him and find another friend to talk to.About the rape have you tried going to a therapist?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): Oh hun so sorry I would say he is the no good piece of shit! He mistreated you and told you all of these things to make you feel smaller than him because he wants to be in charge and dominant. If he cant understand that you are going through a tough time over the rape than he is an ass. He should understand because it IS hard to deal with. You are not the only one who feels this way. If he was starting to get agressive with you during sex than he is not the right sex partner and he needs to communicate as do you. I would not go back to him and sorry he makes you feel this way.
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