A
female
age
30-35,
*arlamarpal
writes:Hello everyone and thanks for reading.I could use a little bit advice; first of all i'm a single woman, 20 years old and i dont like myself at all. Nor in the physical angle or spiritual one. Each day i have to go along, standing amid a sea of "normal" people who seem to enjoy themselves, who have friends or have been invited to a party next friday, or who can play the guitar or talk french.Truth is, i feel so sad when i see people happy because i am not. I can't do sports since i'm a little bit clumsy, i can't play any instrument because reading music is way hard for me, for mathematics/science i'm a total klutz and as for art...let's say is not my thing. I don't have many friends and i am never invited to any social gathering. I'm not very rich nor pretty and i've never had any relationship before...to make it short i just feel i've wasted my life doing anything. My grades? they're good, outstanding but they don't make me happy. Nothing does. I can spend my whole day daydreaming about the beautiful red handbag i saw on the mall and then, when i have the money something in my head tells me there's no way i could find happiness in that, that is not beautiful as i had tought and that i should buy other thing. And so i do. There's a longing inside my heart that is not going to be fullfilled with any cheap thing. Secretly i have a longing for adventure, for fun, for running free and finding something eternal and beautiful in this world, but i can't seem to grasp it.On the other side, i'm not a decent person. People think i'm dignified, responsible, serious, mature, caring...but i watch porn, i masturbate secretly and i'm always lonely, there's anyone who shares my likes or my ideas. My parents get mad easily since they think i'm like, a monster or something, that someone my age should be bright and cheerful...so wherever i start asking them any advice they get upset and that makes me feel like i'm an annoyance so i've started talking alone, no one knows about my ideals, my hopes, my dreams. They don't understand me so i have to act as if i were really a nice person i'm afraid God might punish me for having "dirty toughts" and lying to others, but i can't help it. I feel so trapped. I've never loved anyone nor had a crush on someone or something, nor hoped for anything special happening to me anytime soon and i also have this...internal conflict. I want people to like me so usually i try to do stuff for them, like lending money or giving gifts or helping with something...but then i feel awkward and used,and i tell to myself i'll show everyone i'm not something they can use and abuse...but then again when someone tells me to do something i don't want to and i don't do it i feel so guilty!Please help, what's wrong with me? i don't feel like i'm THAT ugly/bad/disgusting, people are always distant...and i am very shy too so i can't get them to like me, what should i do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): Honestly it sounds like you just lack passion in your life. I think most people feel the same way you do when they don't feel like their life has any direction. Don't just focus on the hobbies and sports that what you call "normal" people would like. If I were you, I would try finding something you truly love, that makes you feel alive, and that tends to fill in the other holes in your life. Being passionate about something, anything, really helps out how attractive you are to other people and yourself. It'll also build connections for you with other people since you'll have things in common at that point.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): I know it may be difficult to do, but try and focus on the positive things in life. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You did talk about your hopes and dreams, which is a good start. Just by asking this question you're expressing your concerns and want to feel better. I think it might also help to talk to someone about how you feel- a close friend, relative, or someone you trust. Keep a journal and write down your goals in life, your accomplishments, and what you want to do in life. You sound like a deep thinker and while it's a good thing, sometimes it can lead to over thinking a situation. (Too much thinking and worrying isn't good.) Try to get out there and do something for yourself- take a walk in the park, help someone who needs it, do so some volunteer work, or anything to get your mind off of your worries. I think you're still trying to find yourself and where you fit in this world. You're still very young and are just entering into adulthood, so it's normal to feel lost and confused. You'll get over it and grow into a beautiful, confident young woman. But there are bumps in the road. So for the time being, be thankful for your family and friends, and try to ease up, relax and enjoy life a little more!
http://www.ehow.com/how_2290189_feel-better-yourself.html
http://www.wikihow.com/Feel-Beautiful
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): cool. your life seems similar to my own . the first flaw is your view of your self and of the world around you. you devide your world into problems and solutions. when really there are no problems or solutions. life is the way it because thats just the way it is. you remember an event that happens and then you build a story that explains what happened . but the story really isnt what happened but an interpretation based on you view of your self. you are trying to change your self , not only is this impossible it is the singular cause of all your misery. instead change your view. this is really difficult to do from the inside, and for me it was when i met a women who i learned to thrust compleaty and became a teacher to me . from her i learned how to know who i am, and i am what ever i say and do. despriptions of self are useless as its like trying to put meaning on something meaningless. that is the second flaw.my friend alison had this to say ."ppl should accept each other for who they are, as long as we are true to ourselves and never deny others their truths.peopl can choose to like or dislike us.no reasons necessary. we are who we are"."ife is empty and meaningless, and that we are meaning machines.creating meaning from nothing.we are programmed that way in society, its a way of identifing the self, the self which is ironically a concept man made.thus we identify with and put meaning to what we believe the self to be and use that as a way of understanding others, but although socially made..deep down its still twarted by self perspective of anothers idea of us. we all wore a mask some, of us still do and believe that the mask defines who we are, and protects us from our biggest fears.but it doesnt protect us really, it just purpetuates the fear.but its something we created and in creating it found ourselves looking at our reflection in the mirror(eyes of others) so to speak, and not getting why they didnt get us, not getting ourselves and not getting them cause we were looking through a mask.finding ourselves lost, when all we need to do is shed the idea that we need a mask at allthats why i never let people change me, even if they dont get me...cause im me for all the world to see"that was all alisons words not mine. think about it. for me it was pure out revolutionary.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (12 November 2009):
 Dear paisana, you're like everyone else. Don't sweat it. Focus on what you don't like and improve it if you can, recognizing you won't always achieve all you set yourself to achieve.
No te azotes y quiérete más. No tienes que ser perfecta. Nadie es.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): I don't know if I can help but I feel exactly the same way. What I'm starting to do is ask people questions about themselves, it feels awkward but it gets people to remember who you are, and from there you can start building friendships...
I used to think like you too, you have to be rich and pretty for other people to notice you and to like you. But then I look around and realize that everyone has unique abilities, and you just need to be brave enough to show the world how amazing you are.
Don't feel alone, in time, someone will notice how amazing you are.
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