A
male
age
41-50,
*ohjakza
writes: She is with a buddy of mine. It was love at first sight, atleast for me, she compliments me completely. It is against my ethics to break up a relationship, even if she is my one and only, plus she has too much integrity to leave one man for another arbitrarily. He is an idiot though and will probably lose her, but if I care for her, I do not wish her to be hurt, even by a broken relationship that will lead to me. I need some outside viewpoints, as many as possible so that I can "survive" this in between. P.S. I have been single since I lost my virginity, as I need love to enjoy sex, that is almost 6 years of celebicy now, and human nature is pushing me against my ethics. Someone wise and compassionate, please give me your viewpoint/advice that I may consider it and not feel so lost, and out of control. If you need mor specific details of either her or my personality, do not hesitate to ask.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2008): I am in the same situation right now... I thank you for posting your questions for I have learned from the replies you were given... I just hate waiting... I have been friends with her for years and I know it is love... but she is in a relationship with a douchebag and she really likes him... The last thing I want is for her to be feeling confused, nonetheless hurt, in her heart if I were to tell her how I feel... Hopefully you and I will be able to work it out though... I wish you best of luck...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2007): The feeling you're having is experienced by tens of thousands of people every single week. Love can be the best thing in the world when it is good but can crush you completely when it's not. I am married but in love with my best friends wife...the feeling is mutual. The problem is, neither of us want to destroy the lives of our children or other halves. I can only say that if all that is stopping you is friendship with 'an idiot' you need to do what you feel is right. Tell her how you feel in no uncertain terms before it is too late. Its too late for me and a little bit of me dies every day....
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous  +, writes (19 September 2007):
Good luck, but I must also say to you that many of us have said and will say that we have found the most compatible one or soulmate, only to be completely wrong.
Realize that you must wait until their relationship ends, but also realize that you cannot wait forever.
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A
male
reader, Kohjakza +, writes (17 September 2007):
Kohjakza is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your answer, and I will consider it. In reply I have to say that I have never met a more compatible woman, so I will wait. As for my buddy, thats all he is, not someone I would consider a good friend, he does have the mentality to think it was planned even if it wasn't. So I will wait, and make sure she is aware of me, and in the end, keep a positive attitude and outlook. Thanx again.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (16 September 2007):
Been in that situation many of times. You know what you must do. You must wait. It is hard, but you say he is an idiot and will probably lose her anyway. She may just come running to you. Or you may have to make the effort after it happens. She might have to be hurt for a little bit, but that's life and something she'll have to be prepared to deal with. All you can do is wait.
Consider this though, if they do break up and you do end up together, what will this do to your friendship with her current boyfriend? He might think you two have planned this all along.
Perhaps you are also infatuated with her because she's too close. There's only one thing really to do when faced with someone you cannot have; find someone you can have. Perhaps going out with her not around will open you up to other opportunities.
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