A
male
age
36-40,
*cfollower
writes:I love a girl forever, we have been best of friends for a long, and we dated once briefly. I know she loves me but we never got physical, after we broke up we stayed good friends but she slept with my best friend, at the time!! We were cool for a long time then she ended the friendship when she went to colledge, poorly, lots of dumb fights and her telling me I treat her to nice? We havnt talked really in over a year, just happy holiday and happy bday messages, she wants to get together and talk but I still love her and think of her everyday, I can't just be friends, should we get together and talk, can I trust her not to crush me again, or should I just except the loss?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): The right path is always darker and challenging. The easy road is bright and sunny but leads to the wrong destination.
You know what you have to do. Normally, you can stay friends with ex's. But in your situation, you haven't moved on yet. You have to fully disconnect yourself from her.
It's a hard path to do but it leads you to a better and brighter future. You've done the hard part. That is, you both are broken up already. You just have to walk away and let other people in.
She's playing games with you because she's aware that you are still sprung over her. It gives her power and control. Put yourself in the driver seat and drive away from her. Your biggest mistake is talking to her when you know feelings are still there and you may end up rekindling something she doesn't want to rekindle.
She's attracted to others and not you. You just have to accept that and move on. YOU DESERVE SOMEONE MUCH BETTER. It's mean, I know, but it's the truth and you have to swallow that pill of truth in order to feel better.
Good luck
A
male
reader, chlez83  +, writes (18 December 2007):
You really sound like a cool guy.A gentleman.Reminds me of how i was in high school.Most girls wanted to be my friend but wouldn't sleep with me.
As for this girl it's really up to you since you know her better.But from a more analytical point of view,you need to ask yourself why she cheated.Maybe you may learn something you are really not reading in between the lines.You are better off as friends than lovers.If you want more,convince her.You are the man.Now you are asking whether to trust her again.As a friend you can trust her.As a lover chances of cheating are high until you understand why she did what she did.Always remember that everyone deserves a second chance but being in a relationship with her is risky business my dear.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): although it might be upsetting to hear but this is just a suggestion. how about you pick up where you began ( as being just friends ) and wanting to be that and only that i mean wouldnt you rather be friends than not have her in your life at all, sorry if this is no help to you
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (18 December 2007):
 In her world you’re trapped in the “friend zone,” and it’s a hard place to get yourself out of. You just have to realize that she doesn’t desire you the same way you do her. You want to have sex with her, not just talk, and she wants is to talk... while screwing your more desirable friend.
In short I think she is probably a lost cause.
But there’s still hope, if you’re willing to take the steps.
The only way to change this is for you to date on your terms, which is likely never to happen. BUT you have to put your cards on the table and let her know that you want to be more than friends to her, and you cannot live with anything less. If she accepts your terms you, than good….you date.
So not more talk. No more chat. You date. And when you date, be the aggressor, because that’s what she's looking for in a man. She doesn’t just want a guy who will treat her nice like you already have been doing. She wants passion and sexual bravado...do you have that? This is not to say you start treating her like shit. It means you treat her like a lover not a friend... You have to know what that means in you, so you can give it to her.
My best advice is you go to school and watch lots of James Bond movies to know what it means to have bravado and guts in how to treat women. You can still be nice to her and any other woman you fancy, but its takes more than being nice to get her aroused.
People often call this the bad-boy thing. Girls seemingly like bad boys. But that's a little off the mark. What girls want is a little guts, courage, and aggression which is what bad boys have...but you can also be nice about it and respect women while you give them the bad-boy thing they want in a guy.
Maybe this will be a learning experience for you. I hate to say this but you can be too friendly with girls sometimes, especially if you want them to desire you. So I hope you can find that inner “James Bond” in you and get what you want in this and future relationships with women.
Peace Out!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): hey man save yourself a lot of pain. I am going through just about the same situation, except it wasn't my friend. think about this quote lies destroy friendships, but the truth destroys love. let her be and go on with your life. someone who cheats really doesn't respect you or your feelings. they may love you and care about you, but that didn't cross their mind when they cheated so why wouldn't happen again. their are chics out there that will love and care for you and won't cheat. good luck man with what you choose to do its your life.
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (18 December 2007):
 If she's the type of girl whou would sleep with your best friend, she's not the type of girl to be trusted.
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