A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi everyone. I'm hoping that someone can help me with this issue that has been hanging over me for a while. Sorry it's so longwinded but I feel I have to tell the whole story, and if someone would take the time to read the whole story and help, I would be very grateful. My ex and I split up a few months ago after spending nearly a year together. During the time we spent together he never told me he loved me, in fact he told me he found it hard to love after a couple of disasterous relationships in which he was cheated on and the deaths of family members. When we were together, I paid for most nights out, food etc because he had a very low paid job. It all started to go wrong when he got a new job. All of a sudden, he stopped answering my texts/calls and went AWOL. After about a week, I couldn't take any more and went to see him. He told me that he didn't have time for a relationship and basically wanted to break up with me and remain friends. When I asked him if there was someone else he wouldnt look me in the eye but he said there wasn't. I texted him a few days later because I still had some of his stuff and it took a few texts for him to reply and then he called me disgusting names and told me that I was ugly and looking at me turned his stomach. This is after a polite text I sent! One month before we broke up I met his son and we all went on holiday. Why would he make a big deal of me meeting his son and then break up with me? I have asked my ex for closure and he won't give me definitive answers-he just changes the reasons for the breakup and becomes abusive and mudslings or ignores me. I found out that while we were together that he was flirting with other women on chatrooms and had given them his number. I didn't say anything to him at the time about this but confronted him when we broke up but he refused to say a word about it. For a few months before we split our sex life dwindled and even if I gave him a cuddle or a kiss I was made to feel needy or clingy.I also know that he was chatting up another woman in a pub the month before we broke up (my bro in law was with him and told me a few weeks ago). I have since accused my ex outright of cheating on me but he will not talk about it and instead acts all injured and makes me out to be the bad guy to mutual friends. All I want is some closure from him and it would help me to move on but he won't give it to me. I'm feeling very upset and confused. This is going round and round in my head and it's doing my head in. Please can anybody help me?
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broke up, chat room, flirt, move on, my ex, on holiday, sex life, split up, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone who replied. You gave sound advice and are right-I've been clinging on for too long. Am going to let it drop and get on with my life. Take care. xx
A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (30 May 2008):
 Now come on and get a grip. You say "you asked your ex for closure and he won't give you definite answers". What on earth are you doing? If he is behaving towards you the way you say he is behaving, then you end it.
You say it is going round and round in your head. Well, you are going round and round the basic, simple subject and trying to avoid it. It looks to everyone who reads what you have written that, quite obviously, the relationship is over. What other closure is there? What do you want him to say, and why do you want him to say anything further? It won't make any difference. Anything else is in your head, and it's for you to put it away. Whatever he says now doesn't make any difference, except possibly to give you a reason to shout and scream at him - which won't actually achieve anything.
Drop it. Drop him. Don't try and make it complicated. It's not complicated. It's very, very simple. It's over.
And yes, I'm being harsh. The last thing you need is for everyone to pussyfoot around you trying not to say what we can all see is obvious in case we upset you. You're tougher than that. Snap out of it. Move on.
And good luck with your future. You deserve it after a **** like him.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (30 May 2008):
 I dont think you are going to get it - he is burying his head in the sand and maybe its guilt that is driving him. Move on from him I think you have had a lucky escape, go and find someone who really appreciates you x
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A
female
reader, growing  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 "All I want is some closure from him and it would help me to move on but he won't give it to me."
This is just an excuse you are giving to yourself for still hanging with him.if YOU want to end all this,then you don't need him anywhere for anything.
you know that he wants break up and is doing all to get it then what is confusing you.you have already spoken to him regarding this and got the silent reply.
he's been cheating you every now and then so you should not make any efforts to get him back.
you went for holiday with his son,that's history and don't waste time thinking about the reason behind that.
you know what you should be doing and in case still in any dilemma then "THROW HIM OUT OF YOUR HEART AND MIND"
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