A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married for the past 10 years. I married when I was 18.My husband is 12 years elder to me. I was doing my graduationwhen we got married. Now for the past 3 years , I have a relationship with this guy who is a colleague at the instituion where I do my PhD. He is not planning to marry me which he had clarified in the beginning itself.My husband is a nice man though we had problems. He once forcefully had sex with me some 6 yeras back and I have been bitter about that. We have thought about divorce previously, but never really pursued it.I really love this man with whom I have a relationship.But I know he will never marry me.Should I divorce my husband and start my life afresh or should I try to love him and try to rekindle our reltionship? We have not had sex for the past 4 years. I sometimes hate myself and regret having married so young.Help me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there,
An update!!
the guy with whom I was having an affair went for an arranged marriage. I was hurt like hell. He did it in the worst possible way.
I am getting divorced from my husband.
Finally becoming single and happy!!!
Thanks for all the advice..It was really helpful..
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): thanks..that was useful and I think it makes sense. I feel that deepdown I am very worried about being single. I need to get out of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2008): i also am married, love my husband, and love another man, i'll never leave my husband, i'll never be with the other man. why does love have to be linked to anything else? if you absolutely hate your marriage, which i think is the case maybe you should end it.. but don't do a mistake of substituting a man for another, cuz that isn't love, it's only security substitution.
think about it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Diovanlestat and danielepew, I am so grateful to you for responding to my SOS. But I seem to be always in trouble.I will keep you updated abt my progress.love
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): You want to leave your husband after 10years for a man you love but offers you nothing. He dose not love you, he will never marry you. Can you be happy with this lifestyle, can you be happy when he finds somebody else to love and marry.
Your husband is a nice man, he raped you six years ago and you can never forgive him. Why do you stay if you can't forgive. If you can't forgive you can't make your marriage the happy, secure unit that both you and your husband deserve.
Maybe you need time alone to figure out what you want in life. The years go by so quickly and it's unfair for you to tie yourself to a man who you are unhappy with. No need to divorce, just ask for time to think because your unhappy with your marriage and you need time to reassess and either leave or stay married with your full heart, committment and all the love you have to give.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (30 May 2008):
 It is clear that your marriage is in trouble. Maybe it's not that much about the age gap, though, but about other issues. First, you need to determine what you want to do about your marriage. If you honestly want to end it, do. If you honestly want to try again, do try again. But do this before any other consideration of the new guy you met.
As to this new guy, I think he's not the best you can get. He's made it clear he won't marry you. You can perhaps put an end to your marriage without that meaning you have to go to this younger man.
As to marrying young, I'm sure that seemed the best thing to do at the moment. We all make things we regret later. Just don't let that make you unhappy in the future.
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