A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey girls( andblokes without sonding too sexixt)!I'm in a dilemma at this point in my life. You see, I really think that I might want a baby. Im 26, have a great career(well okay career- I'm a family planning nurse-the irony!), loving partner, mortgage. However, I'm worried because I can't help but think that I've 'not done enough as many people have told me. I have aspirations to travel all over the world and as u probably are all aware, that costs alot of money! Money that would in total cost me years to save and do. All the while, I'm getting older and thinking more each day about having a baby of my own! I'm also concerned hat I'm only thinking about having a cute, little baby, nevermind the years that follow... teenage years and lifetime commitment that being a parent entails.Please talk to me about my thoughts everyone, but please none of the cliche comments- I only want realwomen, onest, form-the-heart commentsx
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female
reader, A Cappella  +, writes (16 July 2008):
 I had my sons at 37 and 39. You have LOTS of time. Don't rush into it, because it's a lot of work and a lot of sacrifice. (And a lot of joy.) Wait until you know you're ready, the go for it.
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (12 July 2008):
 If you have a baby now then you will still be young enough to live your life and travel when he/she goes off to uni at 18. You will have more energy when younger to cope with a baby and the sleepless nights and the temper tantrums etc etc. Your body wil probably bounce back to its pre-pregnancy state.
If you wait til your older then you can travel now and do all the things that you really want to do and have a baby knowing you are ready. As an older mum you will have more patience and often feel a lot calmer and more prepared although the sleepless nights are harder. Its also harder to run after a 3 and a half year old when you are nearly 40!! You may be lucky and regain your body but things may have already started to droop a bit and your body might not bounce back so quick.
Ok thats a simplified version!!
I have done both and to be honest I cant say either way was better, different yes. I had my first two at 23 and 25 and my third child at 36. I have days when I think WHY did I have another one at my age but the rewards outweigh these negative thoughts. I love all of my children very much and wouldnt be without them.
Financially it was harder when I was younger and a lot easier now, the pregnancy was harder and more tiring third time around and the lack of sleep nearly killed me.
When he is 20 I will be nearly 60 and his dad 57, his sister will be 34 and his brother 32. It comforts me to know he will have them in his life after we have gone.
Even if you think you are ready there will always be days when you wonder what the hell your are doing, children are at best loving, wonderful, amazing creatures who delight you and at worst frustrating, stubborn, screaming little monsters who make you want to pull your hair out!
My first child was a 'surprise' and I think I would have waited longer as I didnt really like kids at that time in my life, but I wouldnt change a thing and would do it all again exactly the same way!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): There is nothing better in this world that having a chubby little hand reach up and hold your face.....The purest of all love is a child that is yours, no matter if it is in a bad mood or sick. They are yours, and you are theres. I had a business for 2 years befor I had my kids, and I gave it up for them....there is nothing better. I don't know how deep your desire is to travel, but if it is something you are going to regret in the future, then you neen to do that first....Have no regrets....I have 2 wonderful children, and have loved each moment I have had with them...do what your heart tells you to do, not friends or family, they don't have to live your life...You do. Please know I will pray for you .....Good Luck Sweet Pea
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): In a rush as I don't have much free time (have a preschooler) so this is a bit scattered.
Why not do a little traveling now, also try babysitting for children of several ages. Especially try to do sitting for a long time, like taking care of a child solo while the parents go away for the weekend Hey, how about mine? ;)
Child care is the main cost for us since we got most of our baby things as handmedowns, and did breastfeeding and cloth diapering so I think we spent less than $2K more than usual in the baby's first year. Also we spend much less money on entertainment than we used to-- see about two movies a year, hardly ever go out to eat, don't buy new clothes or music for ourselves. DH and I definitely need to date more but finding the time is really hard. We do have lots of cheap fun as a family though, as there are lots of free events for children in our area, and we have museum and zoo passes.
I used to travel all over the world, it's the thing I like best, but I haven't been on a plane for 5 years, since I was pregnant. I would feel guilty spending the money to travel since we don't even own a proper home and yard for our son to play in; we need to save for college; plus child care is so expensive even though it only gives me 3 hours a day to myself (I'm trying to finish a degree unpaid.)
That said, no time is a good time to become a parent. You're not too young, and raising a child is THE most wonderful thing in the whole wide world. If I could do it over again I would have cut off about 5 years of the partying I did in my 20s, to have had children earlier. I have been forced to be so much more focused since having a child and it would have been good to have my 30s freer for career development.
One thing to be aware of is that you might find that you are unwilling to go back to work when your child is tiny. Could you handle this financially? Most of my friends cried buckets when they had to go back to work after just 3 months.
IMO, the worst choice is to wait too long like some of my friends and relatives, who meant to have kids but only started in their late 30s, found they had trouble conceiving, and now have been spending $50K or more on IVF.
Their careers are great, but the prospect of not having a child upsets them much more than the prospect of not having a successful career upsets me.
On saving, we try to max out our IRAs every year since some of the money can be used for education. There are also a number of other tax-free vehicles, and our son is lucky to have doting grandparents who give every year to a college fund and shower him with new toys.
Good luck and I hope you are very happy with whatever choice you make!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): Don't let anyone scare you about having disabilities if you have kids later. Most women in Hollywood have kids later (much later) and not one has had a problem. Most of the women in my family had kids later and hadn't had a problem. There are women who had kids at a young age and had difficulties. I think that is what scares women into having children before they want to, but that is so individual and age is not always a factor. People are so down on women having children later, but I have several friends who've had them at young ages and while they love them, they are regretful that they didn't do everything that was in their heart before starting a family. And some women, when they get older, kind of go through a stage where they try to relive their youth because they feel that they've missed out. Some women's number one goal in life is to get married and have babies. And that's perfectly fine, but if you're apprehensive now, maybe you should give it more thought and time.
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female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (12 July 2008):
 Well
I don't think you should listen to the people around you! You should listen to yourself at first place! This is your life and you have to make the decisions!
Is your BF ready to have a baby? Did you talk about it? If yes, than I wouldnt see a problem at all.If You are ready and he is ready, than do it.
I don't have children yet (26), but I want them badly. Unfortunately for me its impossible at the time,because I am not on one place, we didnt get mortgage and everything is just a mess. My BF is a very loving person and he wants children too,but I know its not the time yet.
I understand you are going through a very difficult decision! I am not sure how old exactly are you, but like you said, you are getting older each year. And with each year there are possible problems coming up w pregnancy. I have 3 friends, that have waitted until their late 30es and each of them has an autistic child! It is so sad. And most of it is because of age (they were waitting for too long).
Babies are joy and work at the same time. It is a lifetime comitement, yes,but its soo beautiful and if you really want children, than dont even think of this as a work and comitement! Thinki of it as something beautiful and wonderful!
You have to make the decision. Its soo hard to tell you what to do, because only you know down deep in your heart whats the right thing for you, now you just have to find it, make sure of it and do it!
Good luck in whatever you do!
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female
reader, diamondgal +, writes (12 July 2008):
 Yes, I have the same feelings as you. I am 35 and have had a lot of unique and amazing experiences and still am. Experiences that are once in a lifetime. I feel that it is important to fulfill your hearts desires and dreams while the time is right because sometimes they may not come that often, especially if you are obligated to your family. Also, women are having children a lot later in life now to have time to experience life. There is no rule saying that you must have 2.5 kids before the age of 30. Just do what's right for you. GOD has a time and a plan for everyone and everyone's time and plan is different.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): Hi.
You are a little older than me but I have had the same thoughts as you. I have a career that is very demanding and requires me to travel. I don't have a 9-5 life and sometimes I wonder how I could balance it all if children came into the picture.
However, I don't feel that you should have to give up your ambitions or identity as an individual to have children. Maybe you can't afford to travel and have kids now but no on is telling you that you have to do everything at once. You don't have to choose, you just have to figure out how to balance everything you want.
Imagine a life where you could do both, have kids and travel as well. I think planning is the best way to assure something will happen. Maybe start saving and planning for a mini break with your partner (somewhere you have always wanted to go) and use the time between now and then to contemplate having children.
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