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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: ok ... here's the deal. I have a lot going on these days (more bad than good). I'm in a unhappy marriage, but I seem to tough it out for my kids. I have basically told my husband of 13 years that I'm not in love with him... somehow, he doesn't seem to care and will still stay together knowing how I feel. I want to leave, but I am soo torn. I don't know what I'm afraid of? it's not that I'm afraid to be alone, because my marriage is very lonely ... he never slept in our bed from the get go and has a bad temper and has done a few things that I can't seem to "let go" and get past. I realized I have married him for all the wrong reasons and I know deep in my heart that he is not the "one" for me, but yet I continue to stay. I guess, I feel terribly guilty of I left. He is not a bad guy... he is a hard worker and provides financially, but that is all. He is not good with our kids and lacks parenting skills (trust me, I'm far from perfect either). I just want out but feel trapped (which logically makes no sense). So torn on what to do ... I don't have a good job and I never finished my degree ( I have so issues on my own). I don't have much to offer ... I feel like I live a lie. I know life is not like a childhood fantasy ... especially, the white picket fence and the whole happily ever after,
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female
reader, Lisa206  +, writes (12 February 2011):
 oh well if your marriage is over in your mind then act as if it is over.
If he is financially stable, hire a babysitter and go back to college.
Figure out what YOU want, and if he doesn't fight with you so much, then do it.
I get the feeling that you want it to work out.
so work on other things and build your side up strong
don't worry about him, provide his pet food and water and make your life worth living.
I imagine its very depressing to just sit there and wait for the other shoe to fall.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2011): Yikes. If you know you want to leave, then I would say leave. You know that you will be forever happier if you do something for yourself. If you do not love him, you should not be married. Life, of course, is far from "picket fence and happily ever after" but it is important to do everything within your power to be happy. Talk to your girl friends about it. Maybe your work colleagues. If you have a sister or relative to talk to, tell them about it, and they will listen. They will be there to support you every step of the way. You will make it through, and be happier in the end! Good luck, and remember not to doubt yourself!
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A
female
reader, Shelley Harris  +, writes (12 February 2011):
 Hi,I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult situation you find yourself in. I just want to tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel. When I was reading your post I thought you were talking about me. My situation was exactly like yours in the way you describe. My husband behaved the way yours does too. I did get out although it took me a while to gain the courage. There are several reasons why your husband behaves the way he does, and that is probably down to influences from his childhood the beliefs he picked up and the way he views the world, which causes problems, he will not recognise his behaviour as being wrong because he doesn't know any other way to behave. I believe you are describing an emotionally abusive relationship which is insidious and taints without you realising. These men never understand our feelings or emotions or even acknowledge them probably because they don't recognise them. My husband was abandoned and this had an impact on the way he treated others, he wasn't able to see it or change it, and I suspect this is what is going on here. The good news is that there is help out there, you need to change you and your world will change, you cannot change him but you can change what you do and how you react, they key is your mindset. Because of the situation I was in I now help women like you. In a few months time I am running a programme that helps women in suffocating relationships to mend or end their marriage. If you would like to receive information about this programme a few weeks prior to it starting then visit my website often. You can also download a free article on my website that may give you an insight into why you are where you are at this moment in time and may help you get unstuck. www.strategies-4-life.com I have written two articles and a third will be published on e-zine articles next week that may help you, if you want to check them out google e-zine articles and look up Shelley Harris. I wish you well and remember however things may seem there is always a way out you just have to be aware of it. Good Luck and take care of yourself, and I genuinely mean that. Shelley
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