A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok me and my bf have been together 4 5 months now and we have a wonderful relationship and we get along great but when it comes to sex there is a problem. We are both 21, in college and still live with our parents so we don't have as much privacy and most of the time we just stick to foreplay but the three times we did have privacy my bf could not keep an erection long enough to have sex. The 1st time we tried to get it on he was hard until he put on a condom. The condom was kinda tight so we figured he needed bigger condoms. The 2nd time we had bigger condoms but he still could not keep his woody and the last time we tried using female condoms and even raw dog(im on birth control) but he still could not keep an erection long enough. I believe that maybe he might be a lil nervous but idk. I know that he is attracted to me and he wants to have sex but he just cant make it happen. He does jerk off alot and he has only had one sexual partner so maybe these are contributing factors also but I jus don't know. I luv him very much and I am trying to work with him but I am becoming frustrated about this issue because I jus want us to have a healthly sex life.
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 If he is jerking off a lot, that could be a reason. Most guys have a very tight grip on their junk, so when they're with a woman, they don't feel as much sensation, or its not as tight as they're used to, so they can't stay hard (not saying your vagina isn't tight, btw!).
Ask him to stop watching porn and jerking off as often. Once a day or once every few days is enough. Get him to loosen his grip too. Maybe you can try jerking him off and ask him how tight he likes it, then you'll see how different it would be for him when he's with you - and thats why he needs to cut down!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): Perhaps he is spending way too much time looking at porn and worn out from all the jeking off.... so now that he is with a real person, he can't maintain...
If that's not the case, he might have a medical problem because a man that age is in their sexual prime and ED really should not be a factor....is he on any anti-depressants? Is he drunk a lot? Any ongoing medical issues he's taking medication for? ...Some contributions in not being able to maintain an erection. He might be so infatuated with you, and wanting nothing more than to please you in bed, he's nervous....keep talking and give him your support and patience and see how things go in the next month or so...if nothings changed, suggest he see a doctor to find out what's wrong.
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (26 March 2012):
 As a medical professional, the first thought that comes to mind is- is he diabetic? A side effect for diabetic males is erectile dysfunction.
He's a tad too young to be needing Viagra/Cialis, so perhaps that can be a last resort.
Him all of a sudden losing his erection could be attributed to some psychological issues. You might be right, he might be nervous.
I can't tell from your post, but have you guys talked about it? It's a sensitive issue to guys, so he might not want to talk about it, but perhaps give it a try. Maybe he needs some reassurance that you are attracted to him and want to be with him.
In the mean time, stay physical. Stick with foreplay and other ways to be intimate. The more, the better, that way he can become more comfortable.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): First, it is usually pretty rare that a college man has a problem keeping it up. Personally, that has never been an issue (if anything, it is the other way around). Nonetheless, it could very well be a symptom of nervousness. For example, if you are experienced, he might be nervous to be judged by you. Presuming that both of you are STD free, merely using the pill might be a better way of having sex since it would not require him to stop in the midst of foreplay to put on a condom. Something that you might want to have him make use of, however, would be a penis ring. Many men take advantage of this device to help sustain the length of their erection. Generally, it would be something you slide on his penis after he is aroused and has an erection. It may or may not work, but it is worth giving it a try. Good luck.
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