A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years (on and off). I have never cheated on him, nor i never would. I would never lie to him either. We met in high school when I was 15 and he was 17. When I first met him, he seemed like the character that would grow into being a sucessful man with good/ basic morals and ambitions. Although we are very serious now, all he does and cares about doing is smoking weed and chilling around his house with his family.( Opposite of what was expected.)He does not have a father figure in his life and he is a mommas boy. His mother tends to do more than she should for him, which i believe makes him too "comfortable". He is not in school and dosent plan on enrolling. I love him so but he has no motivation for his future- which would eventuallt become my future one day.I believe that a young person should start building their furtue ASAP. As ive gotten older ive realized that i need someone who is going to bring something to the table. Ive spoken to him about these issues repeatdly. He has promised me that he will try to mbe the man we both know he can be. But I know He thinks there is nothing wrong with his lifestlye. Along with this, he has been controling and mentally abusive. He promises to not let himself get the best of him. I cant help but to believe that all these things he said to me, to put me down, he actually believes himself. I dont know if he has just become too confortable with me or if he cant get over the past. The "past" is not lieing or cheating. Only things such as my old guy friends (that ive tried to help my boyfriend be friends with),but he believes are still more than friends. He has no reason to not trust me. Because of his suspicisions, I have givin up the majority of my friends. With the ones I do have, if I decided I want to be around my friends, instead of him (because he barely ever will hang out with my friends)it causes a huge argument. There has been soo much effort and love put into our relationship by me. It has drained my spirit but i still continue to try because I know he has the right man in there for me somewhere!If anyone can help me-help him in these situations, has any advice or just anything to say please do.Thank you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): FROM THE WRITER-
THANK YOU all for your responses. They were very eye opening. Ironicly, this past weekend, the relationship has ended due to his disrespect. You guys have helped me realize the deeper issues and with mending the pain.
A
female
reader, Jac2b55  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 Im gonna be tough so if u cant handle it dont read on...
If you are giving a relationship 100% then that is what you deserve in return.
I think perhaps you are more in love with the relationship than the man. Yes it haa been a long time and you have invested alot into this relationship. Maybe you should get out before you invest anymore time.
I suggest you tell him you lve him, but he is not stepping up to be the man you thought he would be, then say you want time out.
If he loves you and truly wants to be with you, and wants it for himself, then maybe he will have it in him to change. If he doesnt, then you have clearly stated that thois is not what you want.... So make yourself available for the kind if relationship you know you deserve!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): I witness this situation alot in loved ones. When you want your partner to do something or stop something like smoking cigerettes or weed or too loose weight or to gain weight in some cases. you do everything you can to help them stop.... This believe it or not makes them do it even more.The idea is to leave them to it and not mention it at all and concentrate all your efforts on seeming like you have given up on telling him how to live his life. this will have a reverse effect. He will go through a phase of just doing it with relaxation. then he will start to see the things he loves slip away. he will react by smoking more weed. then something bad will happen, a relationship will fail as a result and he will then realise that weed has caused this. then he will stop... he will then start broadcasting he has stopped and make a big effort to convince everyone he means it this time... then will try and mend the relationship...Thats 85% accurate in all my clients who come to me about addictions, they all follow that trend. about 5% of people will give up when told. but to get him to change. he needs to learn the lesson from something bad happening. especially at his age. he is not wise enough in life yet to be able to see the concequences of his actions.Once he quits weed he will start getting ambition back.This will help him and you just have to help him learn a lesson that is severe enough to make him realise.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 June 2011):
 You know what honey, the one huge side effect of smoking weed is paranoia and this is so obvious what your boyfriend has. He is paranoid that you are getting of with your male friends he is probably paranoid that you are going to leave him and that you don't love him. His first step needs to be to get off the weed. Honey you have done so much for this relationship, a lot of things that you shouldn't have to do. You should be aloud to have as many male friends as you want because the whole point in a strong relationship is trust and he aint ever gunna trust you when he is on weed. If you want this to work well then he needs to come of that. Therefore you need to be brave, step up to the mark and say to him, hey I have don't so much for this relationship now you need to prove to me you want a future by coming of the weed and pulling yourself together!! Give him a limit of three months and tell him if he has not got his life together by then well you are leaving him, because if he doesn't do it now sweet pea he never will.
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