A
male
age
30-35,
*hilimanjaro
writes:Hello, This is my first post here, seems like a great community. :)I am looking for more advice then I am looking for an answer to a question.I am 19 years old and am looking for a girlfriend. I have been in several small relationships that most of you probably wouldn't even consider relationships. We never got really close and it never lasted too long.I have a really, really hard time opening myself up emotionally for a girl.When I am with a girl, or heck, even start to like one or have an interest, I seem to become emotionally unstable. I just am not myself anymore.I always feel like she isn't interested. I am always afraid to introduce her to my friends because she may fall for one of them. I don't like when she talks to any other guys, even if she has known them for a long time. And when she even hugs a good guy friend, I really just get upset.I realize that this is not good. I don't want to be this way. I really don't. I realize that I do in fact have a problem, and thats why I have come here so I could possibly get a solution on ways to change.I do know, however, why I am this way.When I was younger, like from about 11-17, I didn't really ever look my age, I always looked younger than i was.I had a friend who was 2 1/2 years younger than I was, but looked the age that I was supposed to look. (not too confusing right? lol)Anyway, I would be interested in these girls, but they wouldn't be interested in me because they always thought that I was younger. Additionally, the only time I would be approached by a girl was too be given a note. A note that had hearts on it, their name, and a phone number. Good right? No. not good.This letter was followed by the words , "Hey, your friend is really really cute, could you give this to him?"I would follow with "Oh, he is only 13, I am 16""really!? I thought you were 12 and he was 17"Ouch! it really hurt. And that same circumstance has happened on several occasions.So over the years, I have just stopped being able to have any confidence at all with females and when it comes to relationships.That is why I am so scared of a girl I like to be hanging out with other guys, because I have been "ditched" so many times for another guy.Again, I don't want to be this way, and I am not sure how to fix my problem. When you grow up a certain way, its hard to part from it later in life.I know that I will never get into any type of substantial and fullfilling relationship with this type of attitude and mindset.Thank you so much for reading, I really do appreciate it.Dear Cupid is a great site. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
You sound really nice love so I see no problem you getting a girl its keeping one, You are aware of the reasons behind this and thats a good start, finding out why you are the way you are can take some people forever and then they still dont see a problem. You need some self confidence love, My son was younger looking for his age and he used to worry, He started going to the gym and working out and within a year he had got tons more confidence and well he cant fight the girls off now bless him. You have to trust also in a relationship if you are worried all the time its not going to happen, I understand where your coming from as alot of the girls my son knows they throw there arms around every friend they see and the b/f is just looking on, Ive seen this so many times and one of my sons friends feels the same as you and he hates it, He said to me why do they do this anytime a guy walks into the room at a party and thats the girls all jumping up trying to hug the poor fella well I guess the poor fella enjoys the attention for awhile. I think its just a inocent thing love when one girl does it they all do it, And Ive got loads of male friends but I wouldnt dream of hanging myself all over them well only to steady me if ive had a few to much to drink...LOL
http://wywy.essortment.com/howtogainco_rfbl.htm
http://www.nus.edu.sg/uhwc/counselling/selfhelp/selfworth.html
http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/living_with_suspicion/public/living_with_suspicion.html
Here are a few sites hunny for you to get some self help, If you gain your confidence back you will be so much more possitive and happier and dealing with all the problems you have spoken about will help TAKE CARE OF YOU HUNNY WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (30 January 2008):
 You seem like a very sweet person. I think that you should just relax and be yourself. If you love her and show your love and she really loves you, then she won't have eyes for anyone but you. Don't be afraid. Yes, its easier said than done but you just gotta know that everything will be alright and you just need to relax. Make that decision to open up. I have the same problem. I've been hurt alot but I still know that to really love, you gotta take that chance. The rewards will be worth it.
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