A
female
age
51-59,
*ONDERING123
writes:I am married for 7 years, I had an affair 1.5 yrs ago H found out and we worked on our marriage. In the last few months I have found myself wanting a divorce, I ponder and think of why. I dont come up with any answers. My H loves me very much, always talks about our future. I want out, I dont know how to go about it. It will kill him, he depends on me for so much. How do I get out without destroying him?
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female
reader, WONDERING123 +, writes (27 August 2008):
WONDERING123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question You are both right, Thank your for your responses. I talked with my H for several hours on several different occasions, we are going to go to counseling, we went to my doctor and changed my depression medications, I will keep you updated but I really believe that WE are on a path to saving our relationship instead of destroying one.
A
female
reader, carol3232 +, writes (22 August 2008):
Well your destroyig yourself. You can not froce yourself to be with someone who you do not truly love. Yes he loves you and might be so very hurt for you leaving but its no healthy for neither of you to be with each other because you do not love him and he has to figure out how to deal with life without you. Dependency is never good! So tell him the way you feel and dont force yourself to be unhappy cus thats what your doing now.
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A
male
reader, I am Tetreault +, writes (22 August 2008):
So you had an affair, and your husband is good to you and loves you, and forgave you...and you want a divorce?
Just go get one. Dont beat around the bush with it. At least afford him the dignity of being straight up and honest with him. Theres no way not to destroy him, honestly. Thats why divorce is usually so hard, and ugly. And to boot, you are wanting to divorce someone who loves you and has decided you were important enough to stay married to even after you destroyed him once already...so whats twice?
Be careful, though. For whatever reason you want a divorce, make sure its a good one. You are about to leave a good man, by your own words. And fate is not without irony. Maybe(hopefully) youll end up with someone just like you. Maybe youll get cheated on, and after putting alot of effort into forgiveness in hopes of salvaging your happiness, love, and hopes for a future...theyll then walk out on you.
As for destroying him...truthfully, you wont be. Hell be hurt, and make no mistake, it will crush him. But from what youve said, hell be WORLDS better of without you. He deserves someone with the same dedication as he has.
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