A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf isn't romantic, didn't expect anything for V-day so I was happy to just spend some time with him. Then, I find out he had plans for tonight. I wasn't included. I always work on Saturday nights, he never asked me to take the day off etc so I'm assuming that I wasn't included. Anyway, I was pretty upset. He said maybe he wouldn't go anymore. Still hurt. I wonder now if he's cheating or something. Am I giving this too much thought? I want a break now. Life was simpler five years ago before knowing him.
View related questions:
a break Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (16 February 2015):
 I agree with the other two lovely aunties; there was nothing wrong with how he spent Valentine's Day.
However, on reading your update, I think you should do what Honeypie suggests and either ask him about it and/or break up. There's no room for a "break" here, just being together or not being together.
I hope you figure out where to go from here before any further upset occurs :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 February 2015):
 Why not bring these things up? Like the envelope? Like the BBQ's you are not invited to?
TALK to him. At least GIVE him a chance to ease your mind or to fess up. I know you rather not rock the boat, but not talk can make things get blown out of proportions.
Or IF you are certain that "he is up to no good" - then END it, but don't make it about V-day.
You don't HAVE to have sure fire proof that he is cheating, and if he is just a little smarter then average, you may not find any proof. So IT IS up to you, whether you want to go or stay.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2015): Thank you both for replying. Yes, I do see a pattern. It's every Saturday. I took one off some time ago to spend with him, and he claimed to be going to a BBQ. Didn't invite me. Unless I ask, he never volunteers information. I saw a pink envelope in his car he intends to mail but with no sender written...he's at the gym more, private with his phone call or won't answer them in front of me. Twice, he's gone on trips and given me little notice. Both with women. One a "married friend" from work and the other also from work. He didn't volunteer this info, I found out on my own. So yes, I'm inclined to think so and if not, well, I feel left out. Constantly. I don't know his friends and he tells me nothing. There's more but I hate to trouble you both further. My heartfelt thanks for taking the time.
...............................
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (15 February 2015):
 There's a saying to the effect that the simplest explanation for something is usually correct, and I think this might be one of those times.
He expected you to be working, so he made plans to see his friends instead of sitting at home by himself being alone on a day that celebrates exactly the opposite.
It's Saturday night here and I'm also working, so my partner is spending the evening with his family. Is this something that we typically do *together* when I'm off? Yes. But I'm not off, so I wouldn't expect him to make his plans around the nearly impossible chance that I might randomly BE off, and therefore I am not at all upset that he didn't include me in the plans. I'm just happy that since I can't be with him, he has other people who he cares about and vice versa to enjoy the day with - if anything, they're picking up MY slack on this.
Like Honeypie, I'm not seeing where the cheating part comes from. You say you are "now" wondering about it following this incident - has anything happened previously that leads you to believe he is cheating? I'm not discounting your intuition, but there tends to be a pattern of behavior with most cheaters UNLESS they have had a great deal of practice hiding it already. Stuff like sudden changes in his appearance, sudden interest in sex acts or positions you two don't usually try, frequent and secretive calling and texting, or even random accusations that YOU are cheating on HIM all tend to be red flags that a partner may have strayed. If you are not seeing any of these things - well, it's not impossible that he's cheating, but it doesn't seem likely.
So yes - at face value, I absolutely do think you are overthinking things, and I hope this helps put your mind at ease.
Good luck and best wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 February 2015):
I think it's a little unfair that you EXPECT him to sit at home if you USUALLY work on V-day. And they you "guilt" him into not going out.
I am not sure how that segue into cheating all of a sudden. YOU were supposedly going to be working so he figured I'd go out with the lads - WHAT is wrong in that?
Unless he has actually given you REAL reasons why you think he is cheating I think it's pretty low to accuse him because you are pissed that he didn't PLAN anything for V-day - in case you were going to be home.
IF you had wanted to celebrate V-day, you should have told him, and arranged to be off work. He isn't a mind reader.
My guess is, V-day means absolutely nothing to your BF, just another day. And he probably think that your job is more important then some made up consumer "holiday".
If you want a "break" then break up. But don't throw unfair hissy-fits.
...............................
|
