A
female
age
30-35,
*ecky1792
writes:Well, I am 19 years old and want a child so bad I can hardly wait. Yet I have been waiting for 2yrs now and am tired of waiting. I am mature, live on my own, have a job and everything else I need. I even have taken parenting classes and already have clothes, bottles, and lots of blankets and pacifiers. So you ma bewondering what I am missing. Well I havent mentioned having a man. Which is my problem. I have only had had one real relationship in my life and I really just dont want one at all. so, My question is this. Is there any other alternative besides sperm implantaion or adoption? because I cant seem to find anything thAt helps. Please help me.
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 I'm sorry but a baby needs a family - two parents - a father as well as a mother, and preferably living in the same house and loving the baby as well, but if not, at least a father having a relationship with his child.
You do actually need a man for this.
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female
reader, ashlydance33 +, writes (30 January 2012):
 First off, let me state I understand perfectly where you are coming from. I have known my entire life that I wanted to be a mother. Sometimes the desire is so strong it's almost painful. But I don't want to be irresponsible either. My desire to raise my children in a loving home that can support them is stronger than my desire to have one when I'm not ready. I am recently married and my husband and I are choosing to wait a little while until our relationship is stronger (which provides great support for raising children)and until we have saved enough money to be able to afford a comfortable life for our child.
Please do not bring an innocent child into this world out of selfishness. You're acting on your desire to be unconditionally loved but what about the unborn child's needs?
Let me point out a few red flags from what you have told us. You live on your own and work. Those qualities are admirable. However, just because you can support yourself doesn't mean you can support a child. How much research have you really done? Do you make enough money to support yourself AND baby? Do you have a vehicle to go to ob/gyn visits? Do you have healthcare? Do you know how much it costs to give birth in a hospital vaginally versus c section? Do you know how much it would cost if you had complications during birth? And that's just the pregnancy and birth part alone. These things can cost thousands of dollars, especially without healthcare (seeing that you're from the states). Can you save up enough to be sure it is all covered?
Is your job a salary job? Will it allow maternity leave? Could you afford time off if you had to take baby to the doctors?
Once you have a child, your own life is no longer yours. Waiting sucks, I agree, but it is worth it. The best things in life are. You will be happier and healthier for waiting, and so will your children.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 January 2012):
 I think you'll just have to wait until you can afford adoption or sperm donation. But, I don't know if they allow single parents, which is the down-side to it. This varies from country to country. If adopting or having a sperm donor is allowed when a single parent, then save up your money and go for it.
If you need a man to "help you out", then think carefully. After all, if you bring a man into your life to have a child with then you are stuck with that man for life. And what's even more important is that even if YOU get tired of that man and want to leave, that man will be the father of your children. Your children can't just pack their bags and leave their father as easily as you can leave him. He'll get custody of some sort, have them every other weekend and half of every vacation and so on. And if he is a bad father then that really sucks for your kids.
So if you want to be a good mom, make sure you find a GOOD father. Or else you're just being selfish, because your future kids deserve more than some random guy as their dad. So like I said, if you want to be a good mother then do your future children the favour of choosing a nice dad for them. Preferably someone who is a good role model to them, and someone who can be a part of their lives and be a positive part in their lives. Choose carefully.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): babies looks amazing but the reality is blooming hard work .... no freedom, no time, little money and life suddenly turned over to them. I am lucky if i get to go to the loo and for the past 18 months i have been woken up atleast 6 times a night. I am 27 and now i have a baby i realise i how and stupid i was and how much of a undertaking a baby is. Just being i have nappies, dummies and a bit of babysitting experience does not mean i have a clue what the reality of a 24/7 baby is. If not for my family i have no idea what i would have done. You do not have to be with the father to have a baby but its hard work alone, i would fully recommend that you live more and enjoy your life cos once baby comes its changed forever. There is no rewind. Plus the more experience, knowledge and wisdom is gain .... the more you will be able to impart of a young one. You may beneift having a child young but will the child benefit having such a young mum????? Some studies argue not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): Do you have a friend or family member that would possible be willing to let you borrow thier child and take on full responciblilies for a week so you can get some insite on what it would be like to be a parent. The child should be given to you with nothing and you can provide anything the child needs, including the cost of daycare, diapers, bottles, milk, everything. You can make plans like daycare pick up and drop offs to daycare and make other plans for daycare in case your dayscare lady calls in sick or call in sick or late to your own job because of that. Plan play dates and go to the park. Have to go shopping and maybe need to leave before your done if your child is sleeply and dosen't copperate with going shopping and misbehaves in the store. ummmm what else oh right if your child gets sick you need to stay up all night you can't go to sleep and it is possible that you may have to miss work and go to the doctors the next morning "how will you pay for the doctors visit" "how will you pay your rent" think about it. Will your empolyer continue to understand you can't make it. You will have no free time unless you pay someone to watch the child. Then you may get a call and have to come home by the babysitter. She may even cancell on you on the last minute and you have to then cancell your plans. You might never finish school or have to go back to school much later in life as an older person no one your age will be in the classes you will take. Or try to parent and go to school. Maybe idk you sound like your being dumb, and carefree, pretty stupid if you ask me...........
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): Try putting yourself in the shoes of what a child would want. A baby only stays a baby for so long. A child would want a father and to be born into a stable family. Not daycare and being raised by a single teen mother.
Sounds like a baby would give you everything you need but doesn't sound like you could give a child everything he or she needs. A good mother looks out for the best interests of her child and not the other way around!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): Please, please wait. I know you feel like you want a baby now, and so did I when I was 19. That's nearly 10 years ago now and I'm so glad that I didn't have one. I would have missed out on going to university, living abroad, going out, meeting a lot of people who are important to me now, travelling, staying up all night by choice and a lot of other things that come with being free. My best friend from school got married at 19 and had her first of two children a year later. She is now a single mum, broke, frustrated and stressed, and she will be forever bound to the ex-husband she now hates because they have these children together. My life is miles from perfect, and sometimes I long for the unconditional love that having a child would give, but I really don't envy my friend one tiny bit. The instant you have children, everything you do has to be with them in mind. They always have to come first. Once they are in the world, you are responsible for them. Why not wait at least five years or so, then see how you feel. In the meantime, you can do the things that you want to do for yourself, and you will see that you change as a person. Come 25, you might not even be so eager to have children.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 January 2012):
 Who will care for this child while you are at school and work; because at 19 you better still be in school getting a degree so you can support yourself and your child?
I realize you have had this dream for two years and I wonder a few things:
1. What do your parents think?
2. Do you live on your own? How do you pay your bills
3. How much do you think day care costs
4. How much will diapers cost every week? What about formula should you not breastfeed? and when and where will you pump and refrigerate the milk you put out for this precious child?
5. How much time can you take off from work? How will you work and go to school to better yourself and your child and take care of the child and find time for yourself?
6. Do you have baby clothes in all sizes? My older son was small as a baby and didn’t grow much for the first few years so that was not bad.. his younger brother? At age 6 months he had already surpassed his OLDER brother and was (totally breastfed mind you so folks don’t think I was overfeeding him) weighing 24 pounds wearing a 2 TODDLER… do you know what it it was like financially to clothe and DIAPER a baby who was practically in adult diapers before he was toilet trained?
That being said… I personally think that two parents are better for both the parents and the child and you are so young that waiting till the right partner comes along is a better idea…
but if you continue with this scatter brained idea you could easily just go out to a bar and have one night stands with strangers that are pretty till you get knocked up. just be aware that's a great way to get killed or catch a lousy STD or even HIV or AIDS
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): In an ideal world a child should have two parents - it is hard work being a parent, a joy too but the pressures can be great if you are alone, living on one salary or no salary - that is not an easy life. You are also very young and being a mother will rule out you exploring life and having experiences as a young person should. Also, there is the whole 'meeting someone and falling in love', don't rule out doing things in the nature course of life. As the previous post said, think of working with children, child care etc to be around kids for now beforesetting out to have your own.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2012): Surely if you've taken parenting classes you would know that 'breast is best' meaning you should try to breastfeed not bottle feed. Read the World Health Organisation guidelines.. As for wanting a baby, live your life first. Babies are a LOT of work. You will barely have any time for yourself, and you really do need a loving partner who can help. Sure there are single parents, but they would find it so hard. Yes its rewarding, babies are cute and all that, but you need to be prepared to give up everything for them. Work, social life etc. And they are expensive so you need savings. Go do something first, holiday or just get a job with kids or whatever. Find a nice guy, be with him a few yrs, then talk kids. At this age you may end up with regret over giving away your youth for a baby when you have so much time before you need to think of them. I wanted kids when i was 19. I'm so glad i didnt have one then. I was with an abusive partner and still loved parties and going out with mates to movies shopping etc. 6yrs later, i have my baby. But its with a different guy (we've been married a yr now) and i'd been working 7yrs, we weren't into parties, and have enough money to get us thru. Personally i'm more patient, and although i still see friends its those you can adapt with us for our babies sake that we see the most. Had i had a baby back then i'd be single, broke and resentful that i could go to a show or hang with friends whenever i wanted. Its so worth the wait
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reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (27 January 2012):
Parenting is a two person job, for sure. I know your biological clock is ticking so loudly you can't think of anything else, but you will be much better placed to have a baby once you have a strong and loving partnership. So please be patient. Single motherhood is not a desirable state. In the meantime, if you are the maternal kind, maybe you could work in childcare and turn your instincts to good use looking after other people's children. This in turn will make you a better mother when your own time comes.
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