A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i want to break up with my girlfriend. she lives with me and has no where really to go if i break up with her. she is a sweet girl. we lived together for about three months and things just aren't goin the way i thought they would. she doesn't cook, doesn't clean, is messy, and never has money and is always getting money from me and it is draining me. i have to do everything it seems like. i am feeling depressed having her here.
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female
reader, Tiavancouver  +, writes (25 November 2008):
You are how old? Question for you, why does she need to cook and clean, do you mean cook and clean for you? Did you do those things for yourself before? She is not your maid, she is supposed to be your girlfriend. As for the money thing, I've been on both sides of that one, I've been the one needing money and one giving. Where did she get her money before? What does she do with the money that she does have? Alot of this stuff is purely communication related, which trust me is not always that easy, because it often goes back to family issues and how things were or were not dealt with back then. Having someone live with you, regardless if they are a girlfriend or not, you have to talk about chores and how things are going to work. It sucks, trust me I know - my relationship did not work out because of the "expectations" of the person I lived with. He wanted someone who and I quote "made him lunches and bought groceries", not to mention cleaned more than he did to earn my keep (but that is another story!) We all have different belief systems of what living with someone else is going to be like and it is not easy at all. Anyone who tells you it is, well they obviously have great communication skills and had amazing parents! the rest of us work through it. I am not saying that it will necessarily work out, but you need to figure out how much you care about this girl, sit down and really talk it out. compromise somewhere in the middle. If you wanted a mommy replacement and she is a princess it just aint gonna happen!
A
female
reader, gojira343 +, writes (25 November 2008):
one do you like/love her still...if so tell her that if she wants to stay she needs to get a job and do her part around the house.....other wise she needs to leave .....but dont feel bad if you just want to break up with her she is an adult she can figure ot what to do with her life
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (25 November 2008):
 While it is not my intent to sound flippant, "Welcome to reality." Some women will drain you, but not necessarily as you would prefer. Now, before anyone accuses me of slandering female gender, many male friends are just as likely to take such advantage. The ability to recognize bottom feeders is something hard to impart here, and at your age it is especially difficult to discern when you have affiliated with anyone who seems "sweet" or friendly overall, but who is really detrimental in the long run. Hell, at the age of 60, I've still been recently taken to the cleaners a couple of times, but I'm fairly astute at keeping the losses to a minimum. Just cut it off when you must. It's a matter of simply disassociating relationships in which you are the sucker - the sooner the better.
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